scents

I was reminded today of why scents are so good...
so good at separating that thick wall
the wall between the present and the past.
For just a moment we are taken back.
As I unpacked my boxes one by one
little treasures inside
my own little time capsules-
August is a long time to be without your things.
I open the smaller box
it says "fragile"
I carefully open it up
the scent of something takes me back
a myriad of memories flood me
a feeling comes over my body
I smile as I unwrap the scent burners
I rememeberd the last time washing them out
hoping the smell of that day would stay in them.
It did.
The scent of moonlight serenade
my favorite yankee scent.
I forgot where I was
then I remembered
the journey so far-
it has seemed short now
long then.
Bike rides, dinners pulled together on ten dollars, long talks, car rides, bottles of wine, ice cream, running in the woods, swimming pools, coffee & cigarettes...
it all comes back to me.
Two or three of you come to me
I miss you but have begun to move on...
one sticks out among the rest
always a soft spot in my heart
traces of green fuzz have followed me here because of you.
"It is good to see you again George..." what I wanted to say-what I felt.
"I almost didn't recognize you without your beard" so Dot says, perhaps she was right.
Warm arms around me all night-feeling you this close I felt safe for the first time in a long time.
I wake up and can no longer find the strength to go back to sleep
I want to stay here forever
I'm behind several hours-I don't care
this will end too soon...this moment where I can digress...going back a bit.
Few words spoken
many questions left unresolved and yet answered
a connection that never dies
comforting as always.
Sad to say good-bye--the finality of it all has hit.
Give me a show to keep me busy.
There is too much time.
Connections come and go-
realizing "this is your life" right now--
a trippy exerpience.
Back in NYC.
Resolutions? I suppose. Soon.
-Justin

oh yeah...

Is Christmas REALLy over?
I've had no net access for a week
it has in some ways been heaven.
The holidays were amazing...
Ending the show was very sad and emotional for a lot of reasons.
I was sad to have left so quickly but everyone was in my thoughts as I headed back to Ohio.
Austin and I had the funnest and most humorous trip back to Ohio.
I ran on literally like 2 hours of sleep. Got back to Ohio...ate a big breakfast and then showered and did what I've been wanting to do...put my pjs on and sit in front of the tv. Now that was amazing. But i'll write more of the happy, jolly stuff later....
for now...let me just say I probably have three hernias, pneumonia, and God only knows what else from my eventful move which officially ended about an hour ago when the headboard to my bed was brought in.
Just to give you an idea I spent all week relaxing at home, eating tons, etc...come two days before I am set to get my rental moving truck and head to BG to get my stuff I get some kind of nasty cold. It gets better, then worse, then better...blah blah. I say goodbye to the fam and set off to BG (I havent been there since August)...first of all not used to driving the huge ass truck with no rear view mirror...awkward! I go to BG and see all of my friends who I worked with for 5 years in SFA...it was surreal and crazy because the entire time I just felt like I had never left. It was great seeing them and I wish it could have been longer. Then off to Michael's to put everything in my truck which went very quickly and so we had time to get a drink with some friends and then just relax a bit and watch a movie...which was great. I intended on waking up at 4 a.m. this morning and heading to NYC. Didn't happen. I woke up at 8:30 and left at 9. I was overwhelmed as soon as I hit Cleveland (I'm sorry Jodie I didn't get to see you...I had no e-mail access over break and thought I'd hear from you...we'll talk soon)....anyways...I'm thinking..."am I really doing this all by myself?!? Damn this sucks and it's all radio the entire time...no cds, tapes, or even an 8-track player!!??! I digress...
I of course as I drive go through the emotions of relieving the break and thinking through my life which was great. I hit New Jersey way too late and after some truck return drama because of finding out I can't return it early unless I want to take it to Long Island just pushed me over. Where the FUCK am I going to park? I'm already dreading driving in NYC! So traffic of the GW bridge was nuts and I was at a stand still for over an hour. My GPS system in my phone worked great until my battery died as soon as I merged onto the Triboro bridge. This of course fucked with my entire world...my parents would be calling and would be worried as hell...how would I let Mandy know I was outside because I surely can't just leave the truck by itself in the middle of the street! I find the apartment (yes it's that different driving from walking)...park out front and lock it all up and turn the flashers on run up and frantically tell her that I HAVE to get the truck moved because it's in the middle...in the meantime my hot mess self who has been wearing a grey hoodie, a 1969 GAP hat, grey sweat pants, and my new little casual shoes...oh and glasses...MEETS my other roomate for the first time. HA! Great impression. She just moved in today...and thank God her dad was such an angel because he helped me load everything up. I owe that man BIG time! We get all my shit up the stairs...including the black leather couch that will NOT fit through the apartment door-but somehow we managed to get it in...I stand in my room just dazed as to what to do next. I have put my bed "together"...and while the apartment is in a messy array of boxes (mostly mine--how many scores and books can one seriously have?!?!?) I worry that my BUDGET rental moving 10' truck will get towed. Because after driving around 10 blocks for an hour I FOUND a parking space...or what appears to be a parking space on the street next to some other cars. I only pray this isn't a fluke--perhaps after my day it's not a wonder that I'm a tad bit "half emptyish". We'll see...somehow I can't seem to muster the strength to walk a block to make sure it's ok. What can I seriously do about it now anyways? Hopefully it will be fine there until Tuesday morning when I haul it to the Astoria BUDGET.
Lesson learned: Pay people to move your shit...with the cost of gas these days it's just about the same....otherwise just buy new stuff.
More will be soon...for now I'm going to shower and crash for a LONG time...Tomorrow more unpacking and hopefully a productive day of getting it all together.
Hope the holdays were well.
XO
Justin

Ohhh that sounds good.

I'm tired. I love my life and I'm so happy I'm where I'm at with it-but I need a vacation. The whirlwind of the past few months has finally hit me in the face the past two weeks. Within three months I have managed to move to NYC, have breakdown and go home for a while, come back, find the most amazing day job with a great company, get into an off-broadway show not even auditioning, see so much art, make new friends, get my own space in the city....I've managed to live out of one large suitcase and a briefcase carrying my lap top for 3 months...I've moved around the city while waiting for a new home....I've learned the train system...I can navigate without fear through city now...I've seen so many things...performed 8 performances a week for a few weeks on top of working a full time day job....I've learned more about myself than ever. Point is...this is great and I'm so thankful but it's time for a break. I need perspective and this is going to happen starting Saturday night after the show closes when I head back to Ohio for a week. I'm longing for Sunday when I am home to just sleep in bed and not wake up to an alarm, not have anything on my plate, to move into the tv room or the big screen room and just vedge in my flannel pjs and not move all day. I need this and I will be getting it. So much is wonderful and has come together...for now I've gotta just enjoy the next few days. When I come back I should be all settled into the new place with furniture.
I probably wont be writing for a while...so much love and happy holidays to everyone! Here's to a new year!
--Justin

2007

1) DRINKING BUDDY(S) OF THE YEAR?
All the college gang...especially Nicki.

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest
friend) -
Austin

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST
Quite a few to name.


3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Getting my masters & moving to NYC

4) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
The entire month of September (yikes...never wanna do that again)

5) BEST HOLIDAY?
Christmas!

6) YOUR SONG FOR 2007?
Debussy's Clair de lune...got me through some rough patches...especially in September.

7) MOVIE FOR 2007?
The Holiday

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
I don't even remember valentines day. gosh!

11) BEST RELATIONSHIP
All of my friends.

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
I was nothing. I sat in and watched scary moviews with the girls.

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
Toms beats it always.

14) KISS OF THE YEAR?
hmmmm

15)LOVER OF THE YEAR?
as always my wonderful hand.

16) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Staying in NYC.

17) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
To follow through with my resolutions...get back into the yoga studio and just live day by day.

18) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
To open the window of the cab and yell at the people in Times Square.

19) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
Six Feet Under because I watched the entire show from beginning to end in the spring.

20) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)?
There are a few.

21) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Ummm everything has been change even before coming here.

22) BIGGEST douchbag AWARD?
Ohhhhh there are several of those awards one could hand out.

23) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
To stop a few bad habits, be more positive, get back into Bikram Yoga every day, become more stable financially, and just live each day to the fullest.

Kindness

There are moments and days when I'm overwhelmed by a simple gesture that comes as a huge surprise. It can be the smallest thing that someone does or says. This morning was one of those moments that caught me off guard and in a very good way. Karma is good...well actually people are good...

Exhaustion

I don't know how people do it sometimes...
there are people who do 8 performanes a week for YEARS. I can't imagine.
I'm utterly exhausted right now after only two weeks of a three week run. This was the first weekend we did 4 shows in one weekend. Yesterday was by far the most difficult day to get through. Robert was right when he said it would test your endurance. I'm so thankful that I have this right now and that I've been able to do this show because it has done wonderful things for me in more ways than I can explain. However I'm exhausted and it's Monday...when most people just dread Monday because it's the start of a week and meaning the end of a restful weekend--I'm having a hard time finding the light at the end of the tunnel because Monday evening is my only real night off and I am finding myself exhausted....and worrying that I wont find the energy to continue through the rest of the weeks performances. I very much wanted to call in today to the office and take a mental health day-i probably should have because as the day continues I'm finding that not one cup of coffee is really waking me up and more so I'm dreading the cold weather outside for my lunch break. No matter how much sleep I'm getting I'm still feeling a bit out of it-spacy, and well just plain exhausted. No matter what happens once the show starts I'm reminded of why I love performing because even for a brief period of time we're all able to forgtet what's happening in our lives-how tired we are-or how under the weather we feel. Regardless of all of that I'm most looking forward to arriving back in Ohio...sleeping in....and having that day of being in my flannel pjs....curled up on the couch under a quilt with a cup of tea or hot chocolate...and watching tv and just vedging and not moving once. I think I've earned this day-who knows maybe I'll have two or three. So the plan is to head back to my apartment today after work and immediately get the domestic affairs of my life taken care of (laundry, groceries, organizing) and then take a massively long shower, dinner, and be in bed before 9:30 if possible because the rest of the week is work and show...and then Friday the office closes at 1:30--I'll head back to my apartment...get my stuff together for going home on Saturday...take a long nap and then do a show...and then Saturday sleep in...do two shows and say goodbye to everyone since that will be our closing and then head back to Ohio. I'll be in Ohio until the 29th ish....I'll be in Zanesville from the 23rd until the 28th and then in BG the 28-29th to get my things and then I will be uhauling my things back to NYC and then hopefully off to Massachusettes for the New Year with my boys.
Is it Friday yet?
Justin

Dreams

Saturday night I had the strangest dream....
I'm working on figuring out what it means-though I have some vague idea.
It starts off as one of those familiar dreams
you know the kind when while you're dreaming you actually recognize and feel like you've been there before-
you know what's going on because you've been there before-or at least you can sense that.
My dream begins with me and one of my dearest guy friends back in Ohio
he is driving and I'm the passenger...and all I can remember is that we are driving near large trees...and the only image I have is of him yelling "Oh SHIT!" as if we're about to hit something. And then as soon as I remember this I have another memory....we are both sitting in the same car slammed up against a tree and he says "we've been out like this for 16 hours." And then that's it....in the dream I keep playing through these things over and over again trying to figure out what has happened to him and then what has happened to me. I'm then surrounded by groups of people in a store that seems very familiar....I tell them what has happened and they tell me that I've died and that I'm now in my next life. I was extremely overwhelmed in my dream with pain and with saddness....primarily because I didn't know what happened to my friend and more so I was frustrated with the fact that I could never speak to those people I loved again--they had disappeared--my entire life as I knew it had disappeared and yet I was still standing there and was being forced to let go of it and start over. I continued to be frantic in the dream-just so unsure of what I wanted to do with my life and just feeling lost and being unable to deal with the reality that I had died and had no time to say goodbye or really think about it.
Freaky?

Karen

Ok...so tonight after the show...
Antonio and I are walking up to 42 and 8th and we decide to stop by the theatre where Young Frankenstein is playing with Megan Mullally and Andrea Martin.
I've been dying to stage door it to see Megan Mullally. So we do it...
She walks out and is GORGEOUS...
she comes to us and signs our programs...
and for shock value or whatever Antonio says the following to MEGAN MULLALLY...which I will NEVER forget....
"Just so you know we're gonna have the best sex ever tonight because of this..."
She replies..."Because of Young Frankenstein??"
He says..."no because of you..."
And she gives us an odd look and then smiles and keeps walking.
HA! A true memory one will NEVER forget!
HA!

Dreaming

Unsure of my emotions with everything right now
I run away and hide in so many ways
realizing the issues that alas I have.
Finding reasons to push you away
I move further and further back
this isn't real
it's not going to work
and I feel it's too much-
thoughts in my mind.
Have I created this?
I think so.
I get to the core of it
and I tell myself to stop thinking
to just go with
but settling is what it feels like
could I be waiting for the impossible-
that which does not exist?
Do I foresee the end already
and have no reason to want to deal with it.
I'm unsure in so many ways
I'm closing up
as always.
I don't know what I see
or who I see as I sit across that room
at that dinner party
and I smile.
A fragment of myself
I'm still not letting go of.
wanting a non existent you to walk in
it's what I've wanted
yet when it happens
it feels too soon-always
as if I need to continually hold out longer.
I cant wait forever.
The mystery is intriguing
the work is not.
He stares me in the eyes
I stare back and this quick glance makes me feel good again
is it just sex and mystery
and beyond that it's awkward
difficult
hard to deal with.
Unsure-
I'm a creature of myself
the pleasure of my own company
crazy-yet true.
I cant run as fast as you any more
I've done that.
I also don't want to lead
funny because I don't want to be led too much-
I'm a contradiction
hang on
the ride could be bumpy.
-Justin

A deep one

I read an article yesterday-
it reminded me how important my instrument is to me-
it made me think of you
everything it said made sense
negating everything you have said in the past
everything warped in my head
is it me?
I used to ask often
even as I read.
Perhaps it's my thinking that's wrong
perhaps I rely on the instruction too much.
no.
probably a combination of both.
I found myself angered as I read
more at myself than you.
at myself for not listening to the inner voice for so long.
That voice saying this probably is too much.
Now many months later
here I am
reworking everything
picking up the pieces
attempting to nurture the colors
preserve what is there
and find what is me.
This is what you wanted
you asked for this all along
it was what you wanted.
somehow I might not have been ready.
This is for the peace
peace I need to make
for angry and untrue words
spoken amongst us
others lighting the fire.
I adored you
admired you
trusted you.
I can't be angry anymore
because I have to pick up the pieces
I can no longer blame you
for the weight that I'm working on getting rid of
the tension
the thinking
and the wanting to be perfect
the wanting to be someone else.
Without you I never would have been able to learn this
this has made me stronger
this will make me better
for this I thank you.
I'm nailing the coffin right now.
-Justin

same same same

We humans are funny creatures...
we often think that when we make a huge change that our lives will forever be different and that the world will be perfect-our habits will change and it will be great. When I came here I found myself strangely being able to wake up earlier than normal and move quicker than normal-of course I'm terrible because I hit the snooze at least 2 or 3 times before getting up. This is an awful habit, and one that has been causing me to have too many close calls in the morning. For the longest time I could sense myself just going through the day with SO much energy and just going on the energy of the city. Now I'm finding myself strangely going back to not wanting to get out of bed like I always have and realizing that I'm TOTALLY not a morning person. I think the world would be a much better place to be if we all could start our days after noon. In college I used to hate getting up in the mornings...I would lay in bed and just set the alarm for 10 more minutes, which would feel like 3 hours-or occassionally I would have a mental health day and stay home and just sleep in and then watch tv and relax. Every day this week no matter how early I go to bed and make sure I get at least 8 hours of sleep I still find myself just wanting to lay in bed longer. Perhaps this is the inner midwestern in me that will never go away, who knows. It's irritating and I'm the only one who can stop it. This morning I think I hit snooze at least 6 times before actually getting up and jumping in the shower. The sun hasn't been shining here and now we're supposed to get some of this winter storm which should add a nice mix-and the snow is so pretty here. But it's hillarious to me that I still feel like I'm in college sometimes when I wake up in the mornings and just want to stay in bed-but alas I remember that I have a real job to go to and a sold out show that an audience has paid good money to see....and this puts so much into perspective. Things are rolling along well though...I'm anxious to see some of my family this weekend and then next weekend after the show closes to go home for a week and just do nothing for a while. The winter will awaken new things....I'm anxiously awaiting.
XO
justin

Number 3

Panic attacks are sudden, discrete periods of intense anxiety, mounting physiological arousal, fear and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms[1]. The onset of these episodes is typically abrupt, and may have no obvious trigger. Although these episodes may appear random, they are considered to be a subset of an evolutionary response commonly referred to as fight or flight that occur out of context, flooding the body with hormones (particularly adrenalin) that aid in defending itself from harm. [2] Experiencing a panic attack is said to be one of the most intensely frightening and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life. (Bourne 2005).

I mean he kneeds me...I mean like dough George...

Last night I was in bed around 9 p.m. I haven't been to bed around this time in forever. After having the craziest panic attack I was exhausted....no matter how much sleep I got I still woke up a bit late this morning...and am finding myself in an in between state of being rested, awake, and still tired. Perhaps I got too much sleep? I feel like my body is fighting off all of this crap that is going around here. I just need an entire day off- I haven't had one in a while. I also find myself wondering during this time how someone who has a major major role in the NYC theatre sustains everything about them...for example a role like Mama Rose or anything Sondheim.....8 performances a week...intense...every person in this show has a demanding role of some type and we are all wiped at times...doing two shows in one day was just interesting (I haven't done this in YEARS). Vocally technique is the only stability for you--which I'm learning SO much about...physically you just have to take care of yourself hard core....and there's so much you just have to do to prepare. This will be a huge test of my endurance...it's fun...exciting...and thrilling when the audience is sitting there....once my ass hits the train...I'm wiped out completely.
So my goals for the week are the following:
1. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every night
2. Cut back on coffee Consumption
3. Tons of water
4. Mucinex & I will be tight
5. Get sheets for my current bed
6. Get some grocieries
7. Laundry
8. Humidifier
9. Try to do as much as possible this evening.
10. Update ipod with Christmas music
11. Schedule coaching with LeeAnn for January
12. Remain sane.

Hey there Dalilah

There's an indescribable feeling that has come upon me lately...
perhaps it's the magic of the city that I'm finding to be great
Another openin'
Another show....
Years ago...
my dream was to be in a show in nyc
a run
to know what it felt like...
tonight it starts
I can't believe it.
I'm whipped from a week of long rehearsing
last night didn't get home until 1 a.m.
Up early...
tests your endurance
family in this evening
tomorrow I sleep in as late as possible
Matinee performance
nap
Evening performance
and then it all repeats.
Looking forward to a movie Monday evening
something completely different and relaxing
haven't been to the movies in months.
Next weekend more family
I can't wait...
then the following weekend we close and I head to Ohio for a week
then back.
Every day
one moment at a time.
Peace-
*J

Here It Is Kids....

*Ok the time is almost here....tomorrow is first preview-esentially opening....wich officially is Saturday. Come see it if you're in town....hopefully some reviews will be posted Saturday!*





A CHRISTMAS CAROL....
This unique and moving examination of Dickens’ words entwined with the soaring songs of the season returns to New York after a two-year hiatus. This extraordinary sold-out hit has been called “Beautifully crafted…A powerful punch of Christmas spirit [that] tell(s) the story the way Dickens meant it to be told.” (Offoffonline) and The New York Times called it “The best bargain [of NYC] Christmas Carols.”

Performance Times & Dates:
Previews: - December 7, 2007 @ 8:00 PM. December 8, 2007 @ 2:00 PM
8:00 P.M. – December 8, 13, 14, 15, 20, 21, 22, 2007
7:00 P.M. – December 11, 12, 16, 18, 19, 2007
2:00 P.M. – December 9, 15, 16, 22, 2007

Running Time:
2 Hours - One Intermission

Adapted by Stephen Wargo
Musical Arrangements by Dianne Adams McDowell

Producer:
Personal Space Theatrics
Stephen Wargo – Artistic Director
Joseph Guidetti – Managing Director

Director: Stephen Wargo, Assistant Director: Kevin Diamond, Production Manager: Mel Wadle, Stage Manager: Sarah Caddell*, Technical Director: Jon Furlong, Production Director: Nicholas Cotz

Cast: Robert Ian Mackenzie* as Scrooge, with Paul Aguirre (Fezziwig)*, Frank Anderson (Marley’s Ghost)*, Antonio Copeland (Ghost of Christmas Present), Stephanie Ferro (Fan), Kelly Francis (Elizabeth)*, Nathan Freeman (Young Scrooge), Justin Hall (Tiny Tim), Carol Hickey (Mrs. Cratchit), Kathleen Hinders (Mrs. Fezziwig)*, Andrea McCullough (Charwoman)*, Adair Moran (Belle)*, Nicholas Alexiy Moran (Bob Cratchit)*, John McCarthy Moriarty (Turkey Boy), Allyson Pace (Ensemble), Shelley Rae Phetteplace (Ensemble), Justin Randolph (Topper), Daniel Scott Richards (Ensemble)*, Steven Douglas Stewart (Peter Cratchit)*, Caitlin Thurnauer (Martha Cratchit), Michael Turay (Fred), Ryan Wagner (Ghost of Christmas Future), Emily Wright (Catherine), and Katie Zaffrann (Ghost of Christmas Past).

*- Member Actors Equity Association
Actors Equity Approved Showcase

Creative Team:
Musical Director/Conductor: Jamie Reed, Choreographer: Kate Vallee, Scenic Designer: Taline Alexander, Lighting Designer: Timothy Swiss, Costume Designer: Kathleen Leary, Sound Designer: Chris Rummel and Properties Master: Casey Smith


Venue:
TBG Arts Center, 312 West 36th Street, 3rd Floor, New York City (between 8th & 9th Aves)

Transportation:
Subway – A, C, E to 34th Street, Buses – M20

Tickets:
$20.00 – General Admission
$17.00 – Seniors, Students, Children
$15.00 – Group Sales (Blocks of 10 or more tickets)
$10.00 - Ten Dollar Tuesdays – Tuesdays December 12 & 19,2007 All Tickets $10.00
$10.00 – Previews December 7, 2007 @ 8 PM, December 8, 2007 @ 2PM
TDF vouchers accepted

To Purchase Tickets:
Online: www.smarttix.com
Phone: (212) 868-4444 Mon.-Fri. 9 AM to 8 PM, Sat. 10 AM to 8 PM, Sun. 10 AM to 6 PM

Information:
http://www.personalspacetheatrics.org (212) 802-4537
312 West 36th Street, 10018 google map | yahoo map

Location: TBG Arts Center

Sigh

Ok...we are finally in our apartment! YAY!
Mandy went on Saturday afternoon and got in....I had massive rehearsals all weekend since we open this weekend....but it's amazing....new...clean...nice....and a breath of fresh air. More later...

My night was almost ruined though by a nasty cab ride....
It was FREEZING in the city on Saturday and I decided to take a cab from east midtown to Astoria....typically this is only about a 15 minute ride....the concierge at the hotel my friend was staying at and where I was staying with him for a few days found me a cab. I specifically told him that I wanted a cab that took credit card because I did not want to get cash because my bank was not in the area (and I was NOT about to withdraw and get charged a fee)....because even though there was a strike about the whole thing you still can't tell which cabs take credit and which ones don't unless you actually get into the damn cab. So he finds me a cab that he says will take me there and takes credit card...the guy kind of gives him attitude about making the trip-but whatever. I get in and alas he does take credit card. So I'm enjoying the quiet ride in the warm back to my new home. We get to the corner by my apartment and I swipe my debit card and the driver starts losing his shit on me, asking me if I had cash. I told him that I didn't and that I told the guy at the hotel that I needed a car that took credit card. I put the tip on there and he decides to not stop going off angrily in his broken English about how awful it is that now he will have to go and cash this and he'll only get this much money and blah blah....pushing me to the brink of going off right back....as I hop out and grab my things I look him square in the eye and I say...."if you don't like this then don't drive a Goddamn cab in New York City....don't bitch at me about your expenses and having to cash things...bitch at the cab company this isn't my problem--and on top of that just so you know you should feel lucky to at least have a job....so kiss my ass and if you don't like it go back to your own damn country or do something else." Probably not the best thing to say...but I was livid. I was shocked that someone would go off on me like that. I felt bad about the latter part of my comment because being here has made me really realize just how much of a melting pot our country is---tolerance is a MUST and acceptance is a MUST...but something snapped in me that caused me to freak out on this guy who could barely speak English in MY country serving ME and WORKING here. Why is it that our country is looked so down upon when we require everyone to speak English...or when we say "ENGLISH" is the primary language? You go to Italy, France, Germany, etc many will NOT go out of their way to speak English to you--and in France especially they will hate you for not speaking their language. I can only imagine other countries...so why are we so different? I'm amazed and irritated by this at all times-it's as if we have no balls...we want everyone to just kind of get along and we are SO afraid of offending anyone. Even myself at the commet I made I was repulsed and then I later thought about it....no...I think in some ways I was right. The point is...this is New York...I'm learning that something like that can just happen and then 5 minutes later you just have to brush it off and move on. With as many positive things as there are here...there are just as many negative things.
Ok...enough bitching. The next two nights are off from rehearsal and then we go into tech. I was whipped last night from a weekend full of 7 hour rehearsals. Yesterday we had Johnny Rockets in the East. Village and it was amazing!!! I need to o laundry and some small shopping....
Justin

Isn't it ironic? Don't ya think?

Do you remember that Alanis Morisette song back in like 6th grade, "Ironic?"
The lyrics came to life for me the other night and I couldn't help but laugh out loud....
I was STARVING and walking up 57th and 7th by Carnegie Hall and considered stopping at my favorite diner there...
alas the diner only takes cash....I considered running to the ATM but though "ya know it's too late to eat...but I'm starving...oh maybe I can find something...maybe something will pop up...ehh no...I'll get cash." SO I get cash and sit down and enjoy something quick. As I approach Columbus Circle there are masses of people that goes all the way to Lincoln Center...I take off my headphones from my ipod and here music everywhere. Alas....all kinds of restaurants are LINED up and giving away free food...kind of a taste of all holiday thing. "It's like a free meal when you've already paid" or something like that that ran across my mind. Go figure, right? LOL
In the midst of chaos and craziness in my world...
as I walk the streets of the city I am stunned how at this time of year everything seems so beautiful!
It's actually putting me in the Christmas mood. All the lights, the trees, and the smells of the people selling trees on the side of the streets. Bryant Park had its tree lighting last night...tonight is Rockefellar Center and I SO wish I could see it--and actually do a real touristy thing. Alas...rehearsal for me. Lincoln center's tree is gorgeous...the lights that shine on City Opera and the Metropolitan Opera are stunning....it makes me smie. So I promise to post pictures when I get a chance. I find people to be unusually friendly this time of year...and my cab driver this mornin especially went out of his way to be nice.
Here's to only a few more weeks till Christmas!
Justin

Day 758349839050

Ok just as a general getting things out there...this is what has been such a stress:
We found an apartment over a month ago in the city. We went through a broker-one recommended to us by good friends. The apartment was perfect in every way in terms of space, cost, location, and all of that. We were up front in saying we needed something SOON as we were both staying with friends. We were shown a wonderful three bedroom apartment that was being renovated-meaning here in the city basically gutted from the floors to the walls and made into a brand new space. It's in a pretty pre-war building and we were told that the renovation would finish within three weeks but our official lease start would be December 1. Ok...a week goes by and no news. Another week goes by...no news once again. Finally we have to leave our friends who were gracious enough to house us for over a month so we're gettin nervous. Both of us find another place to live while in the meantime the broker continues to tell us different information ie; "the apartment will be ready by Friday..." then "oh it should be this Saturday..." and then "well they just have to finish the floors so it should be by Wednsday for sure...." and finally..."I was told I would be the first to know when it will be done." Period-end of sentence-blah! Now I understand that this isn't necessarily the brokers fault...the landlord's perhaps? Who knows. All I know is that we have had numerous unanswered phone calls when we have left messages saying..."HELLO WE NEED TO KNOW A DATE NOW FOR SURE..." all the while they are just thinking all is ok and as long as it's done by Dec. 1 we're good. When you are looking for a temporary home three days seems like a LONG fucking time!! Right? Right. So I go to Massachusettes on Wed. and get the news that the fucking apartment will not be available after Thanksgiving after all! Are you KIDDING ME?!? I've rented a studio on the upper west side for a few days...assuming that the last date they told us which would be tomorrow we would be moving in.....as of the writing of this I haven't heard ANYTHING...and there goes more money on this fucking little studio/hotel that I'm staying at. And on top of that major stress I'm dealing with just kind of jumping into a show here in NYC and dealing with the rehearsal schedule (which thank God for otherwise I may go nuts)....but memorizing that and learning everything.....continuing to love and get used to my new day job.....and learn the damn city because it seems like every week I'm located in a new part of the city......ALL while living out of one big suitcase and with my lap top. Sometimes I just want to stand out on the street and scream! hahaha
BUT regardless of all of that...................
I'm still smiling and doing the best I can considering the circumstances. This is giving me a thicker skin which is much needed! But oh did I ever consider hopping off the bus the other night when we stopped at the Holyoke Mall in Massachusettes ....I wanted to so bad...and call Justin and say "Well I'm staying for good...fuck everything else." HA! But I didn't.
Ok...so if I seem punchy or things are bit off lately--this would be why!!!!! I'm like a turtle who has no shell right now.
XO
Justin

Substitute for Love

Today rain & cold abound in the city.
I feel uber under the weather today.
If there are ever those days you feel like you're just getting by
hanging on to a small thread--
that is me today.
It's the stress of the past few months
finally catching up to my body
the apartment situation
so irritating.
It should be fixed mid week.

This break was amazing.
The most theraputic and much needed time.
Justin & Travis mean so much to me...
we can sit around and do nothing and be happy.
It has always been that way-
in the ever changing world where people change all too often
it's nice to know that my connection with these two never changes-but gets stronger.
I'm so happy they are accessibly close to me
of course I wish we were closer.
I'm envious of their lives in so many ways. They have each other, a beautiful home, and are working through life together.
In so many ways I feel all alone in this world.
That's ok-for now.
A change will abound in the future...
the thoughts on the bus last night of "living that way now...."
totally makes sense.
I love the city
I love performing...
my substitute for love?
not anymore.

-Justin

Thanksgiving

I sit here in a warm beautiful house in Massachusettes...
with two of my best friends who I adore
I'm reminded of why I'm thankful being around them.
We have done nothing-yet so much-it has been much needed.

The apartment is taking longer...once again another delay.
News tomorrow? I hope...
Hitting the computer hardcore tomorrow to figure something out.

Still thankful though.
XO
justin

Allora

Overall the weekend was exhausting....
I hardcore practiced on Saturday for over an hour in a great studio space
I'm trying to get things moving further again and I've been vocalizing parts of three arias.
I wont hit things too heavily until after the show
But my butt was totally kicked.
I grew a tad frustrated with myself at times
and then suddenly became comfortable and happy with the fact that it was time to stand in front of the mirror again and realign, relax the jaw--lay on the floor and simply breathe. I haven't done this for a little while-suddenly it felt comfortable to do this again-nurturing and healing. I kept telling myself to concentrate and relax. It was an ebb and flow. The Donizetti and Rossini felt the best which makes me believe even more that my voice needs to move every day as much as possible.
I had drinks late last week with some of the cast-I was delighted to hear some of their tales of opera-since some of them consider it to be what they do. I complained jokingly about how the baritone voice or at least mine is seeming to take forever to mature..."it will come when it's ready" was the phrase softly spoken to me by a very wise older English actor and singer. That certainly made me smile. I think to an extent we have to ready and open for things in a very spiritual way before they can actually happen to us. It's like the energy around us is not willing to give us what we want until we are completely ready. I will soon be ready-some times it takes long priority check for us to realize what it is we have to do to open up.
The show is going fairly well. LONG rehearsals make me tired though. I'm finding myself jumping between a couple of different worlds more easily than every before. You just have to roll with the punches. I'm worried about memorizing everything I have to memorize. Some things are sticking and some are not sticking. We will block a scene and we may never do it until our run throughs...which kills me. After this week we only like one full week left of rehearsals before jumping into tech and then we open. It's crazy-but if I can make it through this...I can make it through anything. I couldn't have asked for a better day job which I'm now officially a permanent part of which means salary and benefits (which is UBER amazing)...at a wonderful place called Lyon Heart. They are an extremely progressive adversiting and communications firm for major drug companies...it's great!
Tonight I make a move into midtown as the girls I'm staying with now have guests coming. My apartment was supposed to be done last week--of course the renovations are taking longer. We're told that Friday or Saturday it should be done. So a wonderful angel and new friend of mine is letting me crash at his place in Midtown for a few days while he dog sits before I head out of town for the holiday. I'm SO ready to get into the new apartment...Mandy and I are anxiously awaiting just being in our own space!! It will be amazing to finally hang my clothes on hangers and in a closet and not have to iron every day. Although it has been good practice!
For now that's all... :-)
-Justin

Moving forward

This week I heard something about you-
something that normally would have sent me crazy
sent me through the roof because I have no control
I smiled....and didn't feel that clutch in my body
the clutch that normally happens
telling my body that I should hurt.
Finally that day
in Chelsea
eating my cupcake
before rehearsal
I realized-
I'm fine...
the grief has passed.....
I'm relieved.
Nailing the coffin is the only thing that's left.

Life continues to move fast
change is in the air
sempre!
Music
art
listening
being silent and still
--my keys.

Norma

Last night I saw what to me was probably one of the BEST live operatic performances I have seen thus far in my life. I knew I loved Bellini for a reason. Being a Maria Callas buff I of course have listened to Norma many many times-however this experience was the first actually seeing it and hearing it live-and at the Met. to top that off. This was a first rate production in every way! We often hear people say..."I'm a dramatic voice...I'm a heavier voice...etc..."and often we really truly don't have any kind of model to go after...and from my experience we hear a larger voice that is pushed out to project in so many ways. Of course yes it may be a bigger voice and we can hear this...BUT...holy cow hearing these singers was eye opening to the world of larger voices. This to me was what it was...it sounded like they were amplified 100 times with microphones---in EVERY register of their voice. The voice just came right in your face and all around you. In comparison to the really good lyric singers I have heard at the met it's about the same-the only difference is natural "heft" in the sound is less than the dramatic...but still the voice cuts-just in a different way. I was amazed at the EASE that all of the singers sound with...the bass was just GOD! Granted he was probably in his 50's or 60's but the voice just brought tears to my eyes. The Norma was quite brilliant and her technique was flawless! This role is so demanding and she definitely showed no signs of being tired-actually she got better as the evening went on. The tenor was just dynamite and at first I couldn't believe he was a tenor because in so many ways he had a darker baritonal timbre to his voice. The voice just soared. And my favorite of the evening was Dolora Zajick who sang Adalgisa. This woman amazed me in every way...she could soar extremely high and loud over the orchestra and just as much as she would do that she would also bring the sound down to such a soft and quiet point that you were FORCED to listen. Her technique and dramatic energy were flawless. What more can I say? I would sell my first born to somehow be able to have seen Callas sing Norma because I could only imagine how she would have been--but there is magic in this opera--and in this production.
Tonight rehearsals start again...first full read through and sing through. Somehow soon I have to get onto a good gym schedule. It just seems imposisble with this show. I'm not worried about the cardiovascular stuff because I do it every day with as much walking as I'm doing...I just need to be lifting again.
That's all for now...
Justin

Sunday

Ohh my I can't believe tomorrow is Monday
the weekend went way too fast! Today was a long 5 hour music rehearsal and needless to say my voice is tired. This is forcing me to get back 100% in vocal shape, which I haven't been in for a while. After all of the holiday stuff I will get back with my teacher, get things realigned, and start forging ahead on the arias and roles I need to work on. It is nice to be in a show and have something in the evening...but I'm totally looking forward to coming home after work...going to the gym...practicing...studying and reading...and then going to bed. I know it sounds lame-but that sounds amazing right now.
My mom told me the other morning that she just bought some snow man flannel sheets for my bed at home...as a kind of nice incentive for coming home during Christmas-which of course I will anyways. At that moment I could just picture myself crawling into that warm bed...and knowing how much alike my mother and I are I appreciated the simplicity of that-she knew I would. Little things like that make me smile. My family will be coming to see the show...which will be nice. It will be weird because of the rush of the shows but good to see them. I had a long conversation with my best friend tonight which was much needed. He caught me right when I was doing laundry which was the perfect time for a distraction. We tend to jokingly wish things upon one another that we know the other person doesn't really want or says he doesn't want. Example...I tell him I hope he falls in love with someone who is just like me who can't make a simple decision about where to eat, what to buy, etc just to annoy the hell out of him. He tells me tonight that he hopes I meet someone and get married to them because he knows that right now my brain has been simply in "lets get settled and used to this mode." Again simple things like that make me smile...or coming home tonight and chatting with Mandy and hearing about her amazing date...or listening to Abba with the girls and laughing at how old we've become...or shopping in Macy's with Emily and singing Bette Midler's Otto Titsling. Ahhh the joys of life.
Totally random blog, I know.
XO
-justin

Cinderella

So tonight...
I need a breather so I see Cendrillon (Cinderella) at NYC Opera. This was the first opera I did when I was a little 19 year old in college. I had a pretty good seat and was thrilled to see the production updated and set in the 1950s. It actually worked quite well and was very charming, as I think Massenett intended for it to be. The music is exquisite in itself and while I think some of the staged interludes just didn't make sense I do believe the music took care of so much itself. The acting was good...the singing for the most part couldn't be heard the best-I suppose most of this (from previous experiences at City opera) is that the orchestra plays so damn loud. My favorite of the evening was the tenor who played Prince Charming. Not only was he dreamy in every way (or at least from where I sat) but he had such a refined voice that reminded me so much of Juan Diego Florez. He knew what he could do and he didn't push that in any way to try to be something else. The baritone was also on the top of my list-especially his beginning aria which was stunning because his navigation through the passaggio (which there's tons of) was flawless. Now..........................
the WORST part was the people sitting around me. NYC audiences are well known for being some of the best and some of the worst-the worst in terms of manners, which apparently flew out the window with everyone sitting around me tonight. Generally I'm not a snob at the theatre--ok I understand you wanna be comfortable and sometimes you have to do some things-but this is NOT your damn living room. The first problem was that there were 4 girls who came in 10 minutes late and sat three seats down from me. They kept opening up their cell phone...ok after a while I can ignore this...then they talk and carry on a conversation which of course causes the purple haired ladies in front of them and their equally snobby old husbands to turn around and give the looks from hell to these girls to shut up. It apparently didn't work. I couldn't figure out who I was more irritated with, the girls or the old bitchy people. I was just thrilled to see young people there-but someone just needs to show them theatre etiquette. Then the guy sitting to my left decides this is his nap time...and not only that but he was a mouth breather. I'm a mouth breather sometimes so I normally wouldn't knock another fellow mouth breather-but this guy was loud. He started snoring in the second act and after I had enough I nudged him slightly because it was way too loud. I begin to chuckle to myself because the whole evening just seemed funny. At intermission I left to go to the bathroom and see some of the art around the opera house, a good 10 minutes went by. I went back and there was a coat on my seat. As I'm looking at this the girls sitting by me were being lectured by the old cranky ass man in front of them, which an usher nearby. I was quite thrown off by the man and his hard words for these girls who were probably not even 20 and didn't know any better. I always believe there are kinder ways of going about some things-one doesn't have to be mean about it. I start to move the coat thinking it's the girls beside me. A man standing above me says that it's his. I said "well this is my seat." "No it's not," he sternly replies. "Uummm yeah actually it is," I say in a rather calm but don't fuck with me I've had a long week type of voice. So of course I go and pull out my ticket and he still disagrees with me. So I say "ok well there's one empty seat down on the end, I'll take that-will that work for you?" "I can't move up if you want," he says in a softer tone. "No it's fine." I couldn't help but just laugh at this situation after I sat down thinking that really the house was not even full-I could have sat anywhere...or rather HE could have sat anywhere but of course he chose MY seat.
The opera begins after intermission and I'm trying my best to just hope and pray that the heavy breathing stops, the bitchy looks stop, and all will be bliss in opera land. This worked for about 40 minutes actually, until this elderly man decided to have a conversation with his more elderly wife in the middle of one of the quietest arias. Again people turned and gave looks-but this time there were voices saying "be quiet." Finally they were...then I hear scuffling and the man is putting his glass into a bag that zips up so of course this is the loudest thing. He then shoves it under his seat, stands up and prepares to exit. This was almost the final distraction of the evening until heavy breather beside me, who is half asleep still, decides to have a coughing spell and share with everyone around him. Who needs a damn flu shot when you live in New York? Just being in public is enough to build up your immunity and give you the damn flu. haha The opera ended and it was great.
Seeing it brought back some wonderful memories of my first performance on the opera stage and everything that surrounded it. I was sophomore in college-I was so excited to be doing this opera and it seemed at the time that everyone in the show had the most amazing voice. It was triple cast which was insane. Two people who are still my best friends were in the show with me. I haven't seen either of them in some time-but it's a reminder of how life just keeps moving on.
My feet are killing me today from walking. I had to put on shoes I haven't worn in a while because my pair I adore wearing got busted up. I'm still waiting on my winter coat to arrive...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr it's getting cold! Still no news on the apartment and when we can actually step through the door-but hopefully VERY soon!! This probably sounds like quite the pessamistic blog-but I'm feeling quite the opposite right now.
Tomorrow will be a good day...sleeping in a bit is wonderful. I have rehearsal and then HAVE to do laundry. I've considered cutting my hair short again-but think I am going to stay with it growing longer for now. When I had it long back in 2003 it was different-I didn't give it enough time. So hopefully I can stick it out...otherwise I may go back to short-which will be fine too.
Tutto il posto!
-Justin

Gyros and cheese fries

Last night after a 4 hour rehearsal (dancing mind you) I took some different trains back home with some of the other cast members. It was great to get to connect with a few people and in general every day I feel that I connect with more and more people in this big bad ass city of new york. It's tough though because I feel like I still have my guard up here...perhaps because I feel in some ways surrounded by so many different types of people and am just learning how to trust and let go a bit more. I also in general feel that I'm starting to learn even more of a refined definition of who I am and what I want out of life. Right now I'm learning to just "roll with the punches," as they say. Anyways...(I digress)....I got off a different stop last night and had a further walk. Luckily Ro called me as she was getting off the train and we chatted and both realized that even though it was 10 p.m....we were both starving and needed to get something to eat--no matter how guilty we felt. So we met at Pita Pan. She was good and just got some cheese fries...I enjoyed what seemed to be the worlds smallest gyro and also some amazing cheese fries. It was heaven just sitting down and watching Grey's Anatomy and eating. The guilt didn't set in this morning but...ehh whatever.
I can't wait to get some new clothes....I think that my butt just keeps going away. :-( I was so sad when I put my jeans on this morning because no matter how good I think the jeans will fit or look from the front...my butt is still sagging in the back. ha Damn genetics!!! My winter coat should be getting to me soon. I can't wait! My gloves, hats, and scarves...I'm not eve sure where they are...somewhere in Ohio. *sigh* Thanksgiving may be a whirlwind because if we're in the new place before then (we SHOULD be) then I am absolutely considering an extremely quick trip back to Ohio to load up all of my things and bring them back so that I have my bed-and so that we actually have furniture. *keep your fingers crossed*
One final rant...last evening as I was taking the train down to Chelsea where my rehearsal was I had a very interesting experience. Standing on the platform waiting for the train you often make eye contact with people...occassionally it will happen to be a very good looking man. At first you have the awkward stare and then look down and then stare back and then the train goes and it was like this little special secret moment that only you'll know about. Who knows he could have been looking at how terrible my hair was or something. In general I think guys here really don't want to waste any time and so they're right to the point. As I'm sitting on the train this older guy sits beside me....he starts talking to me and asking me questions about Chelsea. I tell him I don't go there often but occassionally I will go out there or have dinner at Food Bar or something....he then proceeds to tell me that he's maried but gay and his wife knows...they're totally best friends...he has two kids....and that he would like to get to know me. Ok I'm a nice guy...but good God! haha Do I have a magnet on me that says "please only married, straight, or taken men?" I got the guts to actually look him in the eye and say..."I'm not into married men...." The feelings here is that most men know what they want and they dont want to "waste time." Perhaps I'm wrong on this assumption? I don't know...but in general that kind of seems like how things roll sometimes-not just in dating. To me half of the amazing thing about getting to know someone is the time in getting to know them...those periods of uncertainty with how someone will react to something, learning what someone's favorite food is, favorite song, etc...that takes time. Call me old fashioned? ha! Watching Grey's last night made me think again, as always and of course my morning commute listening to John Mayer...*sigh*
Random thoughts for today. I hope to hit the gym this weekend...I'm feeling ultra flubby the past few days. :-(
---J.

questo-il mio sogno

When I have a really long day like today which in so many ways was a great day...however at times overwhelming for some reasons...I have to think back to the picture below...standing on top of the little town in Italy called Peglio after hiking it for an hour with Bernard and Michael. Looking down on the small peaceful town of Urbania where we lived for a while makes me smile...The perfect day with two of my best guy friends on top of it all in gorgeous Italia. Now I'm gonna lay back and pass out...no more energy left from me.

Morning Glow

I wake up to the alarm at 6 ish
plan on getting up
ehhhh no
put it on vibrate so I dont wake the girls
and also so I don't sleep longer than planned.
I jump in the hot shower which always feels like heaven first thing in the morning.
I rush to get dressed realizing my shower time was longer than planned.
I think I must fall asleep in there
or zone out perhaps.
I get dressed
try to start walking to the train by 7:40
usually it's 7:48.
I walk fast to stay warm.
Put my ipod on...an array of opera
today I choose to listen to John Mayer once again-
I zoom past it about half-way through
need something uplifting.
Lucia sextet is the next option...
then it's some Simon Keenlyside
then some Boheme.
Before I know it I'm at Grand Central.
I get out and push my way through the masses of people.
Luckily I'm only a block away.
Walking past the Gap
then Duane Reade...
I smiled this morning
as I saw a couple
walking towards the same building
they embraced
kissed
said I love you
and then parted ways.
Love really does abound
even on the most bitter of mornings.
It was a nice glow of the day before heading into the News Building for work.
I found out the worldst most amazing coffee machine which is here also does espresso.
I have loaded up on caffeine today.
MUST drink water--have to sing this evening again.
Rehearsal went well.
Still unfamiliar with people.
different personalities make me smile.
Reminds me of why I love what I do.
Some great voices in there.
Hopefully the move will take place soon.
The world continues to move.
As the world turns...
All is well on the homefront.

SURVEY

It has been a slow day in the office...yay for more self indulgent expression:

1. Who was the last person you hung out with, actual one-on-one?
Mandy

2. Do you believe in real love?
Yes

3. How do you feel about your ex and their new love interest?
Wow...is statitory rape no longer illegal?

4. Regret doing anything in the past week?
no

5. When was the last time you fell?
I tripped in the subway yesterday. :-(

7. Are you gay?
Sometimes, sure.

8. What do you think of when you hear the word "slut"?
I laugh

9. Do you have a dirty mind?
not so much these days

11. Have you been pressured to do anything recently?
no

12. Who's the best person you know right now?
my family

13. How do you feel about the person who last texted you?
I look forward to seeing him when he is back in NYC.

15. Do you like your name?
Yes.

16. Is anyone interested in you right now?
yes.

17. Who is the fifth text in your inbox from? What does it say?
From James...saying " :-) "

18. What's your favorite number?
69

19. Would you ever cross-dress?
I have.

21. Do you hate anyone?
no

22. Are you a good speller?
Usually.

25. What's your worst habit?
turning off alarm and resetting it-not getting up right away.

26. Are you listening to any music? What song?
No

27. Would you ever give your number out over the internet?
not really

30. Do you love someone?
Family and friends,

32. How do you feel about one night stands?
over it.

34. Would you rather feel pain or be numb?
Numb.

35. What is your favorite color?
black and hunter green

36. Do you like competition?
Sometimes.

37. Would you ever stay with someone, just because you didn't want to break their heart?
no

38. Have you ever taken anyone/anything for granted?
Yes.

39. Do you hate being alone?
occasionally

40. Has anyone ever broken your heart?
Oh yes

42. Who was the last person to send you a instant message?
Paul

43. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
August

44. Where was the last place you went shopping?
Duane Reade

47. Last time you were hugged?
This afternoon.

48. AIM or MSN?
AIM.

49. Last restaurant you went to?
Chipotle

50. Do you miss anyone right now?
yes but we're chatting so it's all good.

dreamin'

A free download from Starbucks-
I go there way too much.
I download John Mayer
dreamin' with a brokenheart
I've heard it before
cant remember where or when.
First song on the ipod this morning
while walking to the train.
I grew melancholy-
I decided to flip to Ah non giunge instead
Joan Sutherland
hearing her jaw
makes me smile.
I flip back to John Mayer when I get on the 5 train to Grand Central
Amazed at the calm in my head while surrounded by chaos.
A looming feeling over me since yesterday
questions
now answered
not fully
but enough.
I'm sad that you couldn't explain to me yourself
instead other excuses arise
false reasons
late night available?
no.
I know why...
I was once there.
I've moved on a great deal since this
the answer came today
I shouldn't have heard it-
sent a shock through me.
Not for reasons you may like to think-
for more simple
earthy
honest reasons beyond bullshit.
I'm dissapointed
now wanting to delve even more
thank you for reminding me
reminding me why I am here
what I need to do
me
me
me
In all of this craziness.
someday I will look back
empty heart
and smile
for now
counting the days
to clear out
then I can truly let go.
I will walk through Bryant Park this afternoon
peace
calm
what needs to happen.
Rehearsals start tomorrow
the perfect thing
needs to happen.

cold

Today was a visit to southstreet seaport for lunch and just a visit. It was nice...the breeze was crisp and once again as I stared out onto the water while engaged in a phone conversation I remembered why I loved New York. I also have never really been here when it's cold, so this will be an adjustment. Although I figure if I can survive the artic Bowling Green winters I will be fine here.
I have felt blah the past two days, especially today. I think a lot of it is the gloomy weather and time change. I also think it's my overwhelming thinking of how busy things are about to get before Christmas.
I will be working my fab. day job and then almost every day heading to rehearsal until around 10ish. Ok...I keep telling myself that I used to do this ALL the time in college. I CAN DO IT! I used to get up and be at work at 8 and then have rehearsal late into the evening, so I can do it. It has just been a while. On top of that we will be moving into our apartment hopefully in the next two weeks. Granted all I have with me are a couple of suitcases--I will have to find some free day to either travel back to Ohio and travel right back with my things...or tough it out until my parents can bring most of it to me in December. I will just be happy to have my own space and not feel like I'm living off my friend's space. The show will be fine and it will kick my ass into shape in terms of singing because I'll have to do it every day.
Anyways...happy monday to all.
Much love,
Justin

isn't it funny?

it's funny
many months after performing an intense cycle
the words have come back to me
"come back in tears...oh memory...hope...love of finished years..."
"you ate an apple...and I ate a pear..."
"there was so much to love...I could not love it all...some things I overlooked"
"some I could not find........"
I'm finding them
it's funny how that happens.
Today was one of those me days
a day of reflection
a day of calm
a day of perspective.
I realized a lot
funny
how we move on quicker than we plan
when we let go
things happen.
Syncronicity.
The laws of attraction.
I smile at the thought now
of relief.
You are here always
always part of me
regardless
this makes me smile.
Watching the movie last night...
I thought of you as I cried.
"Read this and I will come back to you..."
this is truth.
my loss is changing
realizing it's no longer a loss.
I have the strength
strength to move on
move through
look back
smile.
Trips to the airport late
conversations play back in my head-
wishing I could grasp again your reality.
Now is preparation
years from now I will say
"you taught me so much..."
those words so powerful
"what did I teach you?"
"About concentration...you meant to tell me to be where I was when I was there...not somewhere in the past or future. I wanted you to love me...I thought the world could be perfect--I was wrong..."
"I am sure that I loved you"
"I'm sure you did too..."
Conclusion and completion.
Each day is better.
For now I'm in that dream
I am done with the first song in the set
now halfway through the second
perhaps the third will happen soon
perhaps never.
What I have created has turned on me
no longer will these creations manifest.
Reality is the name of the game.
"what's reality"
"IT just is," I say with a grin.
You laugh...
you toss it down those wooden steps
I open my door
we smile
jump into bed
the middle of the night I awake
to your arms of love surrounding me-
the one time both of us are free
free to do this.
I feel you beside me and I smile
safety.
Waking to espresso and cereal-
soon enough.
The world where a minute without you seemed crazy
this has changed-
I go to my dreams
counting my blessings...
you are at the top.
I will see you there
again tonight--you know when I'm there
tonight I need your shoulder
your arms
come back--
in dreams.

FUNNY

Reality

Photo courtesy of Chris Crook/Zanesville Times Recorder


A picture like this reminds me of how wonderful life is...how human we are...this soldier returning home. The amazing arms of home and love. This is my religion.

Whirlwind

The winds of change continue to blow my way...
opening the doors and windows and letting in some fresh air.
I started a fab. day job this week with an amazing company full of artistic people who seem to just love what they do amongst many other things. This should would out nicely...and I wont leave the day exhausted and ready to die. Today we found out that we got the apartment we applied for! It's being gut renovated so it may be another two or three weeks before we're in it...but it will be perfect for me and Mandy and Amanda...my two roomates. It will just be a dream to get my stuff into there, have my own room, and feel more rooted here. Each day is better and better! A positive attitude seriously makes all the world of difference. I have let go of all that needed to be let go of-which has been a difficult and sometimes painful process. The heart ache we often feel when moving on is necessary-it toughens us up I truly believe. The old saying "that which does not kill us makes us stronger" is very true. Through all of the change that has happened and everything that continues to change and happen I have to remember that a positive attitude and acceptance of change is necessary and welcome it with open arms. I have so enjoyed staying with my girls-it has been refreshing to open back up to them and really get to know them even more.
I just got a part in a production of A Christmas Carol with a fab. company off broadway here. I'm excited and grateful for the opportunity and it will be my first real NYC performing experience.
For now that is all...I can't believe it's November already. So many things have just come and gone and changed in a short period of time. I'm looking forward to things meshing together and then spending a week at home for Christmas to gain some perspective.
Lots of love-
Justin

tired

i'm tired. and i'm goign to bed early tonight.
-justin

An overwhelming day

There is such a flux of energy in this city. I'm beginning to settle into it more and more each day. Days like today drive me nuts and seriously make me want to pull my hair out. Mandy and I went to a broker today (in the city this is someone who acts basically as a real estate agent and finds you an apartment). We decided this would be best because we have our hearts set on living in Astoria-which we love for many reasons. Primarily everything you could need is in this little burrough...it's less expensive than Manhattan, and it's a VERY quick subway ride into midtown manhattan. We also wanted to go through a broker because the prospect of not doing so has just appeared glim over the past few days and we also are about to be engulfed 100% in work for a while (as I start a kick ass day job tomorrow).
Needless to say we love the brokers and we enjoyed our day but the flux of this and that and all of the variables is exhausting. We found an apartment that we really liked...I mean this will be perfect. It's a three bedroom (we have someone else coming too) and it's in the middle of renovation which means we get all new stuff...PLUS it's a kick ass price that we totally can do. But of course the money needed to be shelled out initially to get in is a huge amount. So that is stressful in itself...and the apartment if we get it may not be available for another 2-3 weeks--which is stressful too because we feel bad continuing to stay with our amazing friends. So as we continue to wait to see if this will all pull through...I'm reminded that New York City constantly forces you to take ONE MOMENT AT A TIME...ONE DAY AT A TIME...and to ALWAYS keep perspection and stay in motion. By perspective I have to continually remind myself why I'm here...what my goals are...and how this is helping me--and remind myself daily that this energy here is what will propel me into action. So many things lay on my mind right now...and yet all I know how to do is just move on...because there's nothing else I CAN do. As tomorrow starts a very big day for me with this wonderful day job that will pay my bills, give me performing flexibility, and in general just help me adjust...I can't help but feel in the back of my mind like tomorrow is my first day of school. Yes somehow right now it just doesn't matter--it's all in motion and I just have to ride the wave.
XO

Bitch & Hoe

After reading my blog this evening I must clear up a mistake I put in my latest survey...my dearest wife Roseanna has assured me, and I now remember and can verify, that indeed the correct response to the question: "Been called a slut/hoe or bitch lately?" would be "YES!" Because indeed I am verbally abused by the love of my life on a daily basis with the names SLUT, HOE, HOE BAG, DOUCHE, and often BITCH! Yet I remain forever engaged in one of the most amazing relationships of my life.

100 Truths

001. Real name → Justin

002. Nickname →Jay

003. Status → content

004. Zodiac sign →Aquarius

005. Male or female →male

006. Elementay - ritchey/dillon

007. Middle School →duncan falls junior high

008. High school →philo high

009. College → bgsu

010. Hair color → blonde

011. Long or short →medium and growing

012. Favorite Color →hunter green

013. Favorite Scent →home

014. Favorite animal → dog

015. Are you health freak → balance

016. Height → 5'11

017. Do you have a crush on someone →superficial-no.

018. Are you in love →I know what it feels like.

019. Piercings→ ear

020. Tattoos → one

021. Righty or lefty → righty

022. Innie or outtie belly button → innie

FIRSTS :

023. First piercing → ear

024. First best friend → Bobby

025. First award → writing a story about humpdy dumpdy in kindergarden.

026. First sport you joined → baseball

027. First pet → dog-muffins

028. First big vacation → nashville

029. First concert → can't remember

030. First crush → Abby Williams in first grade

LASTS:

031. Phone call →Kyle

032. Drive→ ehhh it's been a while.

033. Visit to the mall → Macy's today with Em and Burlington Coat Factory.

034. Person to visit you→ Met up with Josh yesterday.

035. Person to hold hands with→ Chris

036. Kiss → Chris

037. Convo → Em

038. Website you visited → myspace

039. song listened to →Lets fall in love

CURRENTLY :

049. Eating-->full.

050. Drinking → vodka tonic

051. Touching → Key board

052. I'm about to → watch a movie

053. Listening to →Em reading out of Cosmo.

054. Thinking → About too many things.

055. Waiting for → Tuesday.

YOUR FUTURE :

056. Car → someone driving me around.

057. Pets → big lab.

058. Want kids? → yes

059. Want to get married? → yes

060. Careers in mind → opera singer

WHICH IS BETTER ? :

068. Lips or eyes → Eyes

069. Hugs or kisses → both

070. Shorter or taller → shorter

071. Blonde or Dark Hair →blonde

072. Romantic or spontaneous → a romanticly spontaneous person

073. Nice stomach or nice arms → nice arms

074. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive

075. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship

076. Personality or looks →Personality

077. Trouble maker or hesitant → Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :

078. Kissed a stranger → Yes

079. Drank bubbles → no

080. Lost glasses/contacts --> yes

081. Ran away from home → no

082. Beaten anyone up → no

083. Kissed someone of the same sex → yes

084. Broken someone's heart → I don't think so.

085. Been arrested → no

086. Been hospitalized → yes

087. Cried when someone died→ Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

088. Karma → Yeah

089. Yourself →most of the time

090. Miracles → oh yes

091. Love at first sight ->possible

092. Heaven →yes

093. Santa clause → of course

094. Sex on the first date → depends on how much is drank and how good the date goes and if it will go any further.

095. Kiss on the first date → yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

096. Do you believe in soul mates → Yes

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now→ of course

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life→ getting there

099. Do you believe in God→ yes

100. Post as 100 truths→

69 more

1. What's one thing that's heavily weighing on your mind?
money and work

2. What's one thing you've learned from a good friendship gone bad?
never put anyone on a pedastool

3. What's one thing you've learned lately from love?
love is open and love communicates deeply and as frequently as possible-love has few expectations.

4. Is there anyone special in your life in general at the moment?
not really

6. Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
no-I wouldn't change anything.

7. Who do you like to spend your nights with?
the girls

8. Are you an emotional person?
oh yes I have been lately.

9. Are you self conscious?
sometimes

10. Do you think of others before yourself?
I used to way too much. There's a balance.

11. What's something that can always make you feel better?
comfort food, and talking to my parents.

12. Last person you had a crush on?
The guy sitting by me on the subway ride last night. :)

13. Where do you see yourself this time next year?
content and at the line completely ready to go.

14. Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
I have in the past.

15. Who do you feel the most comfortable around?
my family and closest friends.

16. Is there something that you're waiting for?
always

17. One thing you're not looking forward to?
several things

18. How do you feel about change?
I'm more stubborn than I thought-but change is good.

19. What are you most looking forward to?
many things

20. What are your plans for your next birthday?
mmmm I would hope a big ass party in the city.

21. Do you even care about your birthday?
not really it's just all going up.

22. Do you think anyone in general out there loves you?
yes

23. When do you think the world will end?
when it's time.

24. What's the most expensive piece of clothing you own?
prolly my suit.

25. What car do you have right now?
I dont' have one! thankfully I don't need one.

26. Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
haha yeah

27. Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
yes

28. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid?
flinstones.

30. Did you get any compliments today?
yes at work I did on my speaking voice-which was great since I've been working on it.

31. Are you friends with your neighbors?
no

32. What were you just thinking about?
Rocky and Bowinkle (see number 30)--ONLY one person will understand that if she reads this. :)

33. Name the places you have lived in?
Newark, Zanesville, Bowling Green, Findlay, New York City.

34. When was the last time you drove more than 15 minutes?
two weeks ago

35. Have ever had a crush on your friends brother/sister?
nope

36. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
damn ur hair is getting long--dont give up!

37. When is the next time you will make out with somebody?
?

38. What's a word that rhymes with "LUCK"?
fuck

39. What's your favorite planet?
uranus

40. Who's the 2nd person on your missed calls list?
zen realty.

41. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
di provenza from traviata

42. What shirt are you wearing right now?
long sleeve red old navy t.

44. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
no shoes

45. Bright or dark room?
bright...duane reade is awake late.

46. What do you think about the person who last took this survey?
adorable

47. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep in?
push them together.

48. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping

49. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say?
it was great running into you again-safe ride back on the nw line. xo

50. What just so happens to be the best song in the world?
Count Your Blessings-Irving Berlin...actually most of Berlin's songs are perfect.

51. What's a word or phrase that you say a lot?
"damnit"

52. Who told you he/she loved you last?
My mom.

53. Last furry thing you touched?
my blanket

54. How many drugs have you done in the past 3 days?
just vitamins...

56. Do you have any film that needs to be developed?
digital age now

57. Favorite age you have been so far?
22

58. Hats or beanies?
hats

59. Your worst enemy?
all of the damn greek food vendors on the street in astoria...every day it's like being tempted by satan to get a gyro.

60. What is your current desktop picture?
drunken night in italy

61. What is the last thing you said to someone?
get some sleep

62. Do you love someone?
many people

63. Last song you listened to?
Don Carlos duet

64. If the last person you spoke to on the phone was getting shot at, what would you say?
"I love you and I will be with you the entire time..."

65. Do you do the games in the ads on myspace?
no

66. What are your favorite PJ's?
my sweats

67. What do you do when you pass graveyards?
look


68. Have you ever seen a shooting star?
yeah

69. How old do you think you'll live to be?
until I'm old

69

69 Things You May Not Have Known About Me...

1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
stella

2. what color are your eyes?
blue

3. Who took this survey before you?
Paul

4. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Paul

5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
August

6. Are you happy?
yes

7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
astoria bakery

8. Last time you had poison ivy/oak/sumac?
dont get it

9.Ever gone skinny dipping?
yes

10. Plans for tonight?
on friday? meeting up with Josh at some point and relaxin.

11. Plans for tomorrow?
saturday? opera...

12. Who was your last kiss?
my daily evening kiss with the wife

13. Ever experienced heartbreak?
yes

15. Can you cook?
yes

16. Last person you saw?
em and ro

17. Who was the last person to call you?
Paul

18. What's your sign?
aquarius

19. Where do you spend most of your money?
bills

20. Where does most of your family live?
Pennsylvania

21. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
one older sister and 2 step sisters

22. Been called a hoe/slut lately?
uhhhh no

23. Ever been called a bitch?
ha yeah

24. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
no

25. Do you collect anything?
not at the moment

26. Myspace or Facebook?
ehhh dunno

27. Do you have T-mobile?
verizon

28. Last time you saw your parents?
two weeks ago

29. Ever been to a wedding?
yes

30. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
several

31. Did you take a nap today?
no

32. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
9

33. Do you support the troops?
totally...not the war but I support the troops.

34. Could you handle being in the military?
prolly not

35. Are you hungry or thirsty?
hungry

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
wendy's...but i dont eat it anymore

37. Do you ?
I don't understand this

38. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
yes

39. Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
i walk everywhere that's my work out for now

40. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use?
used to

41. Last place you were at?
NYC Opera

42. What is your current wish?
money and my things in my own adorable apartment

43. Where do you wish you were right now?
skiing

44. Do you have any regrets?
no

45. How old are your parents?
in their early and mid fifties

46. Favorite place to be?
In my mom's tv room-it smells of comfort and I just feel the world is perfect in there.

47. Favorite sit down restaurant?
Ad's at home. So far here I adore Vinyl...

48. How is the weather today?
cold but better than it has been.

50. Do you e-mail?
Yep

51. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
a card from a very dear friend I love in Ohio.

53. Are you dating someone right now?
no.

54. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious:
oh julie I love thee

55. Do you drunk dial?
I have on occasion. ;-)

56. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
ripped it apart in the middle of the night while sleeping...it was ringing and i was angry so I ripped it apart w/o really knwing what i was doing.

57. Do you like Dane Cook?
ehhh yeah sometimes

58. Last time you were sick?
early sept.

59. Are you lactose intolerant or do you have IBS?
probably

60. Ready for the weekend?
sure

61. What did you do last night?
worked came home and vedged with the girls.

62. Have you ever had braces?
no.

63. What's your favorite type of music?
opera

64. Do you pee in the shower?
no

66. Are you good at water polo?
uhhh no.

67. Do you care about the way you look?
of course

68. Do you smile too much?
no

69. Umbrella...
right now it's "The Color Purple"

Broken eye

Today my dear future roomate Mandy was meeting me on the corner in front of Duane Reade. I noticed she had something on her eye. She got injured at work. And while the people she worked with were sweet about it the people she was waiting on in the restaurant were assholes and complained that they had to wait a long time for their drinks. I don't understand this insensitivity that has become way too common-not just in a big city-but everywhere! Perhaps it's just that I feel I have amazing empathy for other people, maybe it's a downfall, but I believe the problem with people so often is that they're lacking in this. Though the class system in the country isn't really so great of a thing to say anymore--we still have it. I'm beginning to notice it more and more. It's the little things that people do sometimes that makes me stop and smile.
Though I frequently find myself in this unusual rush here in the city to get to where I'm going I generally find that strange appreciation, as frustrated as it may make me, for the older guy or younger couple who is going their own pace regardless of how fast other people are moving around them. I admire this sometimes, and though it can be irritating when I need to actually get somewhere and am panicking when I'm worried I'll be late-it's kind of a nice to see the way people just do their own thing. I've decided to not move at this break neck speed anymore, and rather than rush through the day yesterday to an important interview I decided I would make sure I got to E. 42nd and Park Ave. at least 25 mins. early and if I did that I would treat myself to a stop at Starbucks for an espresso before the interview. Of course I'm directionally challenged and the 25 minutes turned into 10 after getting off a stop too soon. So I treated myself to my fav. diner which is across from Carnegie Hall.
It's also the little things about the city that I love when talking to people who have lived here forever...we seem to get it into our heads that this place is so foreign, so different, so crazy...well yes I admit in so many ways it's all that and much more--but hearing people talk about how they just adored this movie they watched on AMC last night, or how the roses in this shop were so gorgeous, or how they were so happy to hear from their grandparents in Long Island just makes me smile. Realizing again that we are all from the same kind of thread.
A deep conversation happened tonight working the opera about different films and their impact on society...about different actors...and went so far as to the different stagings of a certain opera and how people had perceived it. Some of these conversations came from people who really weren't performers at all-writers, designers, and just ordinary people. What was extraordinary to me was that some people have truly dedicated themselves to the arts in some way. I find this refreshing and it's amazing to feel enriched by something so powerful. I sit in the opera and see business men and ladies who seem to go simply for the spectacle, the show, the drinks, and just the social "elitism" of it all. This is when I sit there alone and realize just how lucky I am and how blessed I feel to be a part of something so extraordinary in life---ART. We are servants of something so great and so much bigger than us. This is amazing to me and I relish in the fact that this feeds me. Even though we can be financially poor, not have all the material things desired, etc...we are the richest people in the world in so many ways. I would choose this life over any other. I'm reminded by God every day to remember this period of my life always, to never forget what I'm going through, how I feel, the pain I feel, the happiness I feel, the joy, the anger, the loneliness, etc, etc. I am reminded by him to never lose this hunger...when my cup is full in so many other ways I am reminded to always look back on this and have it close to my heart. Wherever I may be in ten years this part of my life will always be with me. I listened to Clair de Lune last night as I fell asleep...this may be redundant to some people but this piece still gives me chills and is something new for me each time I hear it. As I fell asleep I was reminded just how powerful music can be...

Small

I don't know if it's me getting older or what...
but I'm realizing each day just how small this world actually is.
Perhaps it's that I'm beginning to gain some sense of routine here...
perhaps seeing some of the same familiar strange faces on 7th as I walk to NYC Opera each evening...the starbucks people now know what I want around Park and 3rd.
Today at a final interview the first words spoken to me by the president of a major business were..."so you went to BG?...I've been there..." Crazy, eh? Just reminds me of how small this place can be...here I am sitting on the 12th floor of this building in the middle of Park and 3rd in east midtown and I meet someone who knows BG. It may not sound like that big of a deal-but to me it's an interesting example of serendipity because as I was sitting waiting for this person I had the strange thought come into my head that someone in this company knew where I came from, and how fun that would be. The laws of attraction baby!
The city in some ways is becoming smaller to me-which is not a bad thing. Believe me it's still crazy and confusing at times but I'm learning. I'm learnning mostly to stay true to yourself...listen to what the inside of you is saying...be open...and always keep your dreams in front of you. It can feel very lonely here at times...but that can also be empowering.
Enough for now...

PJ Night

Today it's rainy and gloomy in the city.
As I sit here in the living room watching people in the gym on the second and third floor of NYC Sports Club I feel eternally guilty for sitting on my ass UNTIL...
I remember that yesterday I walked about 10 minutes each way to and from the subway and apartment about a total of eight times *about 80 minutes worth of aerobics there...not to mention the 8 minute walk I've done almost every day this week from 42nd to way down onto 37th st. AND on top of that...about 5 trips from West 42 to East 40th....and then from West 42 to East 42 on Park Ave about 4 times alone yesterday. So I do believe I deserve this evening of relaxation and rest tonight.
Tomorrw I will go to the opera--yay! And for free which makes it all that much better!
I'm still working at NYC Opera for now...it's a job--definitely not where I'm wanting to end up...but it helps a bit right now. I had three interviews yesterday and have the final one for what could be a great and perfect day job on Tuesday. I will be keeping my fingers crossed on this one.
In the meantime still pluggin away at the city...learning the ropes...trying not to spend too much money...being open...and just starting to get a bit more settled.
I'm still very wide open...
Peace-
Justin

Now I Understand

Now I understand the hurtful nature behind someone not returning phone calls or maintaining correspondance and telling you they will.
Regardless of how busy a schedule is...there's always some time.
Oh well...I suppose "flake" would actually be appropriate.

-J

NYC.

Back in NYC...
fist day shaky for many reasons...
wonderful after.
Starting to fit in.
Working at NYC OPera...
no not as a singer-YET...
I'm an evening bitch. But hey how many people can say they work for NYC Opera?
A couple of great interviews.
Realizing what I'm supposed to do with my life...
what I'm meant to do.
The engery comes to me...
I'm loving it more and more each day.

Sad to not hear some familiar voices as often as before.
Now is the land of new.
More later...
NYC Opera in the morning
evenign of?? ahead?
Sunday in Brooklyn with the girls...
who could ask for anything more?

Spargi d'amaro

All right...so I haven't seen this live yet...hopefully soon once I'm back in the swing of it. BUT from what I've heard Ms. Dessay's performance as Lucia was unbelievable. Of course I haven't heard her sing the entire role-BUT as an admirer of Ms. Dessay I must say she is a phenomenal artist! I have heard her live before and at the MET. You see this tiny little French lady come onstage and the sound is unbelievable that comes out of her! I was equally impressed after hearing her interview with Charlie Rose the other evening. Some things that I thought were interesting and made me love her even more from her interview were the following:
1) She was an actress and her desire was to be an actress before being a singer. I think this is evident in all that she does. She makes very strong choices within any kind of colorature that she does--it MEANS something...and not only that but it sounds damn good.
2) As a French singer she admitted that the French school of singing has a bad reputation and that it was rightly so. Pretty good point...even though I love the French.
3) She referred to a lot the stuff happening in the major companies right now as "broadwayish" and she pretty much said how she detested it. Totally enjoyed this...it raises an interesting point from someone who is a rather progressive type of singer. From my gathering she believes we have tried to put it out there way too much and tried to sink to a lower level by essentially making it more about the choreography, scenery, costumes, etc. Of course there are many wonderful and amazing things that go into opera and that make opera opera....lets face it it's just big. But I think what she was after was a more minimalistic approach...after all isn't that why a lot of people don't really "dig" opera because everything isn't immediately retrievable? We're in such a culture of "gimme gimme gimme" without having to work for anything. Of course it sounds like she thinks we shouldn't give a damn and should do what was intended-kind of have to say that I agree.
4) She was asked who she believed to be the greatest opera actor/singer lived...she gave no hesitation in saying Maria Callas. This could be a debate to go on for years...and she admitted that Callas' voice was not the best...but it was damn good and that she appreciated her for that-Callas was like no one else. Take what you will...we all have different tastes I suppose.
5) When asked about her two vocal surgeries she had no shame in saying that she had them and that other singers shouldn't be embarrassed...she admitted to being way too tired...but she was happy she was able to work so hard and that she does work hard. Pretty optomistic view on something kind of scary.

Anyways...the mad scene can be found all over the place on youtube from the recent MET performance. A lot of people are trashing her performance...take a look (above) and see what you think. Also I have posted (below)a clip from the Charlie Rose interview. PLEASE COMMENT! :)