The BEST of the BEST

I was stunned when I heard the news that Kathleen Turner was writing an autobiography! I couldn't believe it. If I had a vagina it most certainly would have immediately become moist with excitement. Instead I found out the book was to be released only within the next week. I literally cannot wait because as most people know I am a HUGE fan of Kathleen Turner. In fact I will say honestly that I believe her to be one of the best actresses! Unfortunately she's a bit underrated in my opinion but the Dame knows what she's talking about. As a kid I had a huge hard on for her in the films such as Romancing the Stone, The War of the Roses, The Jewel of the Nile, etc. When I was 17 the thrill of my life was seeing her in a one woman show called Tallullah! She portrayed the famous and for the time very risky actress Tallulah Bankhead. An all one woman two hour monologue. It was one of the best nights of theatre ever. After the show meeting her was even better just revealing how kind she was, how beautiful, and how tall. Again I saw her in 2006 on Broadway in Who's Afraid of V. Woolf? This was by far the BEST theatre I've seen in my entire life. Now...
I go on my lunch up to the nearest Barnes and Noble which is on like 54th and Lexington in the CitiBank building. I go in and race to find the book. THRILLED to fucking death that they have it I immediately buy it. It was rather pricey in my opinion...but I finished the damn thing within three days. It was one of the best reads! The way she explains her life in a very honest, open, and direct way. She doesn't start at the beginning (which I love)...she weaves her life in and out of the book. It feels as if you're actually having a conversation with her-you can hear her saying everything. I especially like the lines such as "oh the critics were harsh...I could name some but I won't. Well maybe I will. Oh fuck yes I will..." and then she goes to name a specific critic. Her honestly is thrilling and after I finished the book I honestly felt a stronger appreciation towards her than before. She is for real-which I love...SO with that said...if you happen to read this and want a damn good book to read...pick up Kathleen. :)
Everyone could use a little time with KT.
XOXO
Justin

Embracing my culture

I read the news, ok? I like to be in know. I sit right beside a huge plasma that plays nothing but CNN all day. I feel like I know now what's going on in the world more than I ever have. I find it empowering, and understand why people read the paper cover to cover. It's nice to know what's going on. Occasionally I will read something that just hits me in a strange way. I'm hearing that the glorious and wonderful Whitehouse is going to be airing commercials about helping people who are about to foreclose on their homes. Lovely, right? Of course it is if you're about to foreclose on your home. But what does this do? What does this teach? As a culture we are notoriously bad with money-we get ourselves into the largest amounts of debt that we cannot pay...we struggle...we spend way beyond our means...and we waste so much. Luckily...I would like to think in some ways this is changing perhaps. BUT what else could be done?? I hear the buzz about these potential rebate checks people will be getting and how there is concern that people will apply them to debt instead of spending...DUH!!!!!! Every so often I hear the government is dropping the interest rates for homeowners or some shit like that...and I'm stunned to hear that it's only by like a half a percentage point or something. When I hear interest rate cut I'm thinking at least an entire digit, right? Yeah...sure. Well the problem I have is the internal conflict siding with anyone on this--except continuing to be angry with "the system." Should we be angry with the banks or lenders who lend to high risk people...and actually offer them INTEREST ONLY home loans? WHO would do such a thing? OR should the people who are paying the interest only loans or who have gotten in over their heads the ones to blame? I don't know but it's depressing either way. Where is the education about this? Why are people still spending beyond their means? Now I desperately would LOVE to have a house...or actually OWN a nice apartment here in the city. It would be insane for me to consider doing something like that right now. Yet I can see how it would be appealing if I wanted it to say..."hey I can get this...and it will take me 30 years to pay it off...but ya know I'll pay it off eventually...at least I'll have a nice home." Of course I would be paying probably thousands each month on interest only...LOSING so much. So is the bank to blame or am I because of my poor spending habits/lack of financial education to blame? This is one I'll be thinking of for a while...now on the topic of money...CREDIT CARDS should just be beaten by the government. These people need to be bitch slapped and hung to dry for days in my opinion. Allow me to candidly explain...
I will admit until recently I haven't been good with money...I've overspent and have lived...well...like the typical American. At one point my credit was so high I was approved for every card I applied for-having at least 14 different store and credit cards. WAY too many for a 20 something. Of course I only used about 7 of them. I had identity theft occur to me 3 times. The first was my first year in grad. school. This person opened 3 cards in my name...this had been going on for quite a while and they stopped making payments. Of course no one REALLY knows what one should do when this happens. I call and report the fraud...they take everything off and prove it's not me...however...this bullshit is STILL on my credit report...THREE years later. Allright so...the identity theft happens two more times. Let me tell you...the SAME person. Allright...so this is all still being sorted and fixed...lawyers have been involved, etc, etc. Of course my credit rating is shot right now and it's all being fixed. Now my interest rates on my cards were around 4-9%...when the fraud hit my credit report and looked like I was a terrible consumer my rates went up as fucking high as 35%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you FUCKING serious?!?! BUT what amazes me is how FAST the credit bureaus post NEGATIVE things and how MOTHER-FUCKING LONG it takes to put something POSITIVE and reverse things on your credit report. My car loan has been paid off now for about 7 months...have they reported that? NO! ALL FUCKING THREE!! :-)
In the end the message is...
if you don't have the money to buy something outright...then don't buy it. USE cash for everything..and FUCK credit cards.

A short one

I'm sorry my orgasm scared your neighbors....

Forever hating the 6 train...and loving Delta Burke

The other evening I decided I needed an evening to just regroup, catch up on sleep, and just pull myself together. I headed out with Doug so we could take the train back to Astoria together. My usual thing is to just hop on the 7 right beside CVS and barely in the hectic Grand Central...then transfer at Queensboro Plaza, stand there and enjoy the view of Manhattan until the N or W comes and then walk about 10 blocks home. Well I decided with Doug to try and take the 6 and then transfer at 59th & Lex. to the R which would take me only 2 blocks from my apartment. This would be perfect because I was tired, hot, cranky, and just wanted to rip my clothes off and lay down. We wait forever for the 6 and to no avail...it felt like it was about 100 degrees in the train station...while we were sweating our balls off more and more people came and waited in line. Alas...a train comes...the doors open and the usual struggle of people wanting to not lose their standing space on the train being pushed by the people desperate to get off ensued.....I often find this part amusing-however I was not amused and nor was I went the experience has continued throughout the rest of this week. The funniest thing is seeing 50 people attempt to push their way onto the most crowded train, and while they literally hurl themselves onto the car I continue to see the minutes pass away on my watch. I stand there amazed that someone actually thinks because they are standing holding the doors open barely on the train that they will actually get in. What's worse is when people get into verbal fights about this....ok no big deal, right? Well...usually not since there are usually plenty of 4, 5, or 6 express trains running. Something odd has been happening lately-you wait.....continue to wait...and wait some more....and there's no train. So this morning I left Greg's apartment extremely early since the commute from Brooklyn is longer than mine....my goal was to get to E. 42nd in enough time to not have to rush, to get into the office and have time to fix my espresso, coffee, bagel, and to just breathe a bit before opening the office doors. I left Brooklyn and stepped onto the Q right at 7:31. I opened Kathleen Turner's autobiography (which I just can't seem to put down right now) and was engulfed in those pages until my stop at Union Square-where I transfer to the 6. The time flew by with me only looking up once right before the Canal St. stop...just to see the gorgeous view of The Statue of Liberty and Manhattan that is oh so famous. This is the one point in the day sometimes when I can be a tourist again-and another point that reminds me that I'm in this amazing and crazy city that I've always loved. I get off my stop and have to push through the usual crowds but I walk and look at the time thinking that I can relax a bit because it has just turned 8:01. I of course miss the first train as I'm running down the stairs...I stand in line and of course 5 minutes goes by before another train comes...it comes and the pushing starts...a man actually gets pushed out of the car by EVERYONE in it because he was just rude. I stand there laughing my ass off...another 5 minutes goes by...no train...and determined to get on the next one I decide that when it comes I will push my ass onto that train. Finally the train arrives...I push my way in...scrunched in between two high school students talking so loud I can hear them over my ipod AND the train....then I have mr. smelly arm pits who appeared to have just come from the gym standing in front of me with his arms literally in my face. As I squirmed out of the train John Denver's COUNTRY ROADS appropriately came onto my iPod. I continued to walk through the crowds....dreaming about driving a car to get somewhere....seeing grass, trees, hills, mountains, and listening to the radio. Thinking about how in my car it would be ME and ONLY ME and my music....ahhhh! And then I got out of the station and onto Lexington Ave. and breathed....I remembered car insurance, the price of gas, car problems, and all kinds of other things...and I gave a big smile to mass transportation-regardless of how fucked up it might be. :)


On another note....


I was surprised to read that Delta Burke checked herself into the psych. ward of a hospital for numerous reasons. Even more stunned was I to read how the press seemed to make this such a negative thing that she checked herself in. We all have problems...I wish people would just back the fuck off sometimes and let people work through things. Who knows...I'm not in Hollywood yet....so perhaps this is something else....but regardless I hope she gets better.
Also scary is the whole Britney thing. I blogged a while back about how much I hate her...how much I hate the situation. In all honesty right now I still really don't care-but this shit is quite fucked up with her. I'm waiting for the morning when I pass the newstands and I see the front page of the papers say "Spears Dead At 26!" So sad...just goes to show you that no amount of money, fame, or power can really cure the common aching of the human soul.

Happy Friday!
buon weekend-
Justin

Mission Statement

"The only constant is change" is my new stolen motto. Change is constant, change is good, and I will relish in the moments of change because life is always moving. Being an honest, sharing, open, kind, and genuinely grounded person is at the forefront of my mind. I'm an artist-this will never change. Material that means something to me is what I choose to do. Having an open mind about all genres of art is a daily affirmation. Living and loving my art and those around me is essential. Letting go of the past, past voices, past fears, past control, past fears, past loves, and everything else that is in the way of constant motion is something to be done daily. Mediocrity has no place in my life anymore whether from friends, colleagues, or myself-it's just unacceptable-period. Connection is an essential word in my daily diet. Running from connecting with people or following through with connections is not a trait to be tolerated. This is my constant change.
-Justin

In the end...

People come and people go...
I often ask myself the meaning to so many questions.
What do I want in life?
Why am I here? Why is this happening?
Why is this NOT happening?
I have long days
sad days...
happy days...
days of peace
days of anger and rage
days of silence...
long walks...
long train rides...
frustrating morning commutes
but lately this has all had some kind of light to it
even the worst stuff
my mind has become overwhelmingly at ease
I have connected with someone
someone with whom the future seems to be possible...
when I was 24 I remembered driving in Ohio in the country
feeling lonely and depressed
"WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?," I cried out.
The images in my head...well...those images of what he would look like
how he would talk
what he would be like
immediately came to me.
yes I'm in love
crazy? in some ways yes.
For now all I can do is smile...

Blessed

Yesterday was a great day. Definitely a birthday to remember! I'm overwhelmed right now at all the wonderful people in my life that I have to be thankful for. I have made so many amazing and wonderful new connections that feel like old friends from way back. I am just so overwhelmed right now by all the love! :) More later...

Faithfully