Fridays

It has been some time since I've written.  I haven't really felt like putting my recent writings out there for all to see.  A lot of personal stuff going on and dealing with a lot of good and challenging things in my head.  

I've realized not through my own measure but also with the nudging of a wonderful soul that I am too difficult on myself.  I need to take smaller steps to success rather than trying to do 5 million things at once.  If I want to be positive I try that along with trying to get to the gym EVERY DAY, READ every day, practice EVERY day, be a good and loving partner, be the artist I know how to be, get on top of my finances in this crazy world, find some wonderful sense of spirituality in my life....it's too much.  One can't do this all at one time.  It's impossible.  I was getting frustrated with myself when I would miss just one demand that I placed on myself.  I was beating myself-not being self nurturing at all.  A lot of this comes from my past...feeling like perfection MUST be reached (which is IMPOSSIBLE).  That perfection constantly had to be met when I was young too because of the church I grew up in.  It seemed like a mandate to constantly put on a good face, always be doing something, maintain adherence to the strictest of rules that "God" and "the Bible" supposedly want you to follow in life.  That's way too much pressure for someone. Life is WAY too short.  

My goal is to wake up every day with a smile on my face and remember that the day is a totally new day! It's a fresh start! Nurturing is important and I will continue to nurture myself in whatever way I am able to.  Some of the things that I can do that are nurturing to myself are things I love to do: cooking, yoga, practicing (yes it can be healing and nurturing and SHOULD be looked at in this way), getting lost in reading a good play, going to as many live performances as possible, watching a good movie, sleeping in, talking to Greg in bed before going to sleep, drinking tea, walking through the park, getting coffee and walking, taking a guilt free nap......these are all wonderful things that I LOVE doing.  The frustration comes in thinking "I wish EVERY DAY could be spent like Saturday morning."  In a way it can...we have to lift the pressure off ourselves and allow ourselves to indulge--no we should DEMAND ourselves to dabble throughout the day in that relaxed energy that we find when we are nurturing.  Whether it's stepping away from the desk for 10 minutes to walk to Starbucks and grab a tea and just enjoy the walk back.....or allow ourselves the extre 5 minutes in the morning to remember to pack that special tea from home that we love along with that sandwich that we always enjoy.  Let's treat ourselves to something we enjoy.  There's a lemon calm tea that I can only find at work that tastes SO good.  The tart taste reminds me of something I love and the warmth and smell are so soothing that it just makes me feel a little bit better at my desk knowing I have it next to me.  Give yourself the props to indulge in something you love.  Hell if it costs more money at the store who CARES!  Don't deprive yourself.  LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! LIVE! 

So I refuse to live in bondage anymore.  Life is way too short.  We create our own universe!  I want mine to be a calm universe with few storms....

Here's to a good day and good weekend! 

XO

Justin