Sigh

So I have much to be thankful for.  I'm happy today is Friday--the beginning of a long weekend.  I'm so happy about that.  I'm thankful for Grey's Anatomy being the most kick ass episode in the world last night. Holy cow!!!!  Seriously faboo!

Anyways...

For some reason during the latter part of this week I've been experiencing what appear to be mini panic attacks.  I haven't spoken about this to anyone all week and I feel blogging about it can only help me to get those thoughts out there.  They've been coming at odd times.  This morning on the train I was fine and then half way through the ride I felt my heart beating fast.  I feel they are more serious and heavy anxiety than anything.  I'm not totally sure why.  On Wed. I went to the chiropractor.  When I laid on the table to get my back worked on by the electronic things I was left alone in the room and suddenly felt anxious and had the hardest time letting go and not being panicky.  This bled into me being at work and sitting at the desk doing research on anxiety and panic disorder--so at that point I read myself into having almost a full blown attack.  I had to shut off the screen, turn on music, and go to the bathroom.  I realized that my coffee consumption this week has been higher than normal.  I had cut WAY back and suddenly without reason I picked back a lot of my consumption.  I realized that that morning I had a Venti (large) half decaf and half regular from starbucks, and then two full regular small cups of coffee...and then proceeded without thinking to have a Venti (large) non-fat iced chai which has almost more caffeine than 4 cups of coffee.  Ok so the problem was that.  Now it's all in my head again....worrying that I'll just lose my shit...when in reality I know that's not going to happen at all.  I know I'm fine but I'm just experiencing some kind of weird reaction to my body and the changes its going through.  I honestly cannot ingest too much of anything be it food or drink because I think it mucks my mind up.  I know my limitations so I need to stick with them.  

In doing a lot of this soul searching and internal work lately I've read and heard that many people experience this type of thing while they let go of the control they feel they have on their lives.  I truly believe this is me.  I need to continue to tell myself that what I'm doing is right and that I'm fine and to keep letting go more and more.  

Also seeing a shrink will help....:)

Have a great weekend to anyone who reads this. 

XO

Justin