another hundred people just got off of the train

hit the gym tonight
the first time in too long.
i've slowly crept back into "old" routine here
which for so long seemed unbearable
the thought of going to the gym put old wicked thoughts in my head.
as i ran tonight
i looked over at karrie
i smile because the judgments werent there.
this was the life i wanted
why couldn't i have had this before?
was i not open?
too many voices, too many judges?
growth & independence.
i smiled as i hit the 15 minute mark
without stopping once-i couldn't believe it.
somehow i seemed stronger than ever
i hit the zone faster than expected.
lifting was easier than i thought.
an old face flooded my mind
realizing your toxic nature i turn
and i see another familiar face
again i smile.
i dine with karrie
margarita?
"i shouldn't--it's Tuesday & i just worked out," I said
a pause
"mango margarita please," I quickly retorted
living? yes.
a walk around gramercy and union square just talking
this can happen in real life.
connecting
my new goal.
i have finally torn the veil of that face up
my power is back in my hands
my voice is back in my hands
that face is not in the imaginary audience anymore.
i have no one to please artistically but myself.
my love is pure
reciprication is MINE right now.
I step on the train
another familiar face
random meeting people i know on the subway.
we talk and i'm reminded that i'm in the perfect place in my life.
i call the objection of my love and affection on the way back--
this is real
this is what i feel...
dreaming together-his voice makes me feel alive.
in love?
absolutely.

-Justin