Time heals everything

Time is really healing.
I stepped away quickly
from a life I'd known for almost 8 years.
Familiar places
familiar faces
past friends
current friends
past lovers
past heart aches
past successes
past failures
past triumphs...
they all quickly went away as I said goodbye.
Within hours I was swept into a new world
a world of emptiness.
I found myself standing
alone
weighed down.
shorty after that I left literally everything
for a place I thought could be my escape
my escape brought everything to me.
overwhelmed I choked
I turned my back
questions flew through my mind constantly
I was lucia going mad.
I wrote
I cried
I felt the pain of an ailing person close to me.
I talked a lot.
Miraculously La Boheme came my way-
a surprising evening away from it all.
I sat there
the excitement when the music started.
The voices were inspiring
suddenly I wasn't a student sitting in an opera lit. class
suddenly I wasn't sitting in a classroom doing dications
I wasn't a student standing in a studio picking my technique apart
I wasn't this crazed academic person trying so hard to prove something.
I was there.
It suddenly came flooding back
the passion
the art
the love
the music...all in one night it came to me.
This is what I love more than anything in the world.
This is my life
THIS feeds me even when I'm poor.
I HAVE to do this.
I CAN do this.
When did I forget all of this?
Where was this lost?
those answers only I will know...
I've practiced more in the past two weeks than I have in the past year
the voice truly working and growing
connecting to myself and my body even more.
for now the negative voices of the past are disappearing
the fears are surely leaving
the inner child is emerging
and I am finally awakening.
It's a long, painful, and exciting process
thrilling.
Growing hurts.
I suddenly let go of everything
the baggage was dropped.
Worrying about who I was leaving behind
worrying about the pain and if it would ever heal
worrying if relationships and friendships would change suddenly stopped.
Waiting for the phone to ring with that picture coming up-it stopped.
My art, my life, my nurturing...this must happen.
Seeing myself through the eyes of friends
friends who truly have my best interests at heart
friends who have checked on me continuosly
love never dies
connections will be forever
memories last a lifetime.
My period of mourning is over.
It's time to move on...
face the music and dance, eh?
A credit card commercial comes on
I start to feel sad
seeing a place I have always loved
why am I not a part of it.
That energy...
as intimidating and expensive as it is
it draws me in.
Gives me life
placing ourselves in a position to be open
this is important.
Now the fears and thoughts are stopped right away.
Nothing else makes sense...
no where else in the world makes complete sense to me
Ohio will always be home
other opportunities keep bringing me back.
Creativity and life take me there.
I will arrive back in the big NYC Monday afternoon
a new, changed, enlightened, and more creative person.
The future awaits...
I will serve art and in return be rewarded.
This is what I have to do.
For all your love I thank you
this is never a goodbye...
I am back
my muse is back
and I am finally happy again for the first time in a long time.