An honest one

I've made a lot of changes in my life lately.

Some have been huge changes

others have just been minor adjustments. 

The switch has gotten flipped again...I have decided to pursue my talents in theatre rather than opera.  I have been considering this for some time, pondering and searching through my heart and soul for the answers.  My final confirmation came last night after singing once again and hearing the same thing over and over.  My voice is a very lyrical voice.  I wouldn't say small...but the color is not a biting, brooding, dark color that just screams at you from the stage.  For the longest time I wanted it to be so much more.  I wanted my voice to be something that it isn't.  I felt opera was the supreme form of art--and I still think it's the best combination of everything theatre has to offer.  I never felt that I fit.  My constant feeling of pushing and thinking just stood in the way.  I cannot be what I'm not anymore-I'm not suited for something that I have little passion for doing.  I don't have the constitution to sit around and wait for years for something to happen.  15 more years and the voice will be mature completely...I will be 40.  My heart pulls me elsewhere...the voices in the back of my mind that I have pictured looking down on this are now gone. 

  When I was 16 I wanted nothing more than to be an actor on broadway...I wanted to sing Sondheim...I wanted to learn how to dance...and I wanted so much more.  When I was 5 I sat in the car with my dad and proclaimed that I was going to be an actor. He told me it was really difficult to do that--and I defied him...screaming and shouting that I could and WOULD some day do it.  Since I've stepped away from the academic world I feel these heart tugs coming back stronger and stronger each day.  Of course now I feel I can go full steam for a lot of reasons.  I sang All the Wasted Time last night and it was very clear that this is where I belong.  What I belong doing and pursuing.  There are good things in sight.  

I'm confident that my education has shaped all of this-has allowed me to now be the 16 year old dreamer but with more confidence, more structure.  Vocally I feel that I could do anything.  So with that said...the passion is beginning to flow again.  Here I go...

:-)