UGH! For real!

Motivation is tough for me sometimes.  I feel like I just can't seem to get the muck out of mind on certain days.  I think Tuesdays can be the worst.  I certainly don't want to become one of those people who is living for the weekend and cannot wait for the weekend.  That misses the mark of life I believe.  But days like today I long to be in my bed on Saturday morning sleeping.  I'm dealing with a lot of balance issues these days. Perhaps because so much is in limbo all the time lately.  I know after October 1 a lot will be changing--for the better.  My living arrangement will be completely changed.  This is something I'm very much looking forward to.  I feel that for so long things in my life have been "temporary."  I'm looking forward to living with Greg and knowing that we will be there until we get the apartment we want on the Upper West Side near the park. :-) That could be a while...but it will happen.  

Anyways. There's always a very un-alive feeling I get some days.  I have a wonderful day job. I'm very fortunate and blessed to have this opportunity.  Some days sitting on my ass gets to be exhausting.  And while yes I do bring other things to work on (the advantage)--it's hard because I do have to work sometimes to stay alert at the desk because people constantly come by.  There are times I think I should be on my feet more--but then I'm sure I would complain then.  It's the human problem--searching for perfection, which doesn't exist! I've got to deal with what's going on NOW.  Anyways...also career wise things are just kind of blah.  I feel lost & like I'm searching.  Or am I really?  I don't know.  I'm STILL after over a year of being out of school searching for the motivation within myself! Rather than being forced to do something.  That's a truly tough one.  I'm relieving some pressure in my mind from myself until rehearsals for cameleon begin in September.  

Off to the gym....then to a fitting...

can't wait to get home and take a damn nap.

-J.