This morning

I got off the R and was making my transfer to the 4/5 at 59th & Lexington.  I've seen some interesting sights but nothing like I was about to see.  A man was standing in front of the main stairs leading up to the 6 train.  He had a hospital gown on, hospital pants, and a band on his wrist.  He appeared to have literally walked right out of a hospital bed.  He was a holding a sign that read "HIV positive, PLEASE HELP!"  WHAT?! I couldn't believe it.  It's 2008 and there is a man who is obviously having some kind of problems standing in the middle of the subway station telling people he is HIV positive and needs help.  I found it very disheartening and I kept thinking about it on the train.  What bothered me the most was that I really don't believe he had HIV.  Potentially this could be a ploy to get more money.  It probably was in fact.  There are places in the city that will help people with HIV--homeless people at that.  That is a known fact! It bothered me that someone could possibly stoop so low as to lie like that...I'm perplexed by people in these positions.  I have so many questions...I really hope one day homelessness in our own country is  total thing of the past.  For now it's a constant.  

I watched Obama's speech.  I was inspired.  I truly believe his words were purely spoke out of the depths of his heart.  His words for for the middle class, the working people, the elderly, and everyone else who has had to work for where they are in life.  I refuse to think negatively about this election.  I refuse to give any power to the negative energy that many crazy makers will put out there.  It's time for change, we all know this.  Things need to change.  This is a huge turning point in our country, and in our lives.  We should not look back but look forward.  I refuse to be a negative person any more--releasing energy that shouldn't be there.  My mother tells me that we create our own happiness, our own joy, and our own bliss.  I'm going to do that.  I'm done letting other energies come into my life. WE MUST BE THE CHANGE WE WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD!  Life is too short.  Out of all my affirmations that I do on a daily basis the one that always gives me goose bumps is the following: "Money, though necessary, isn't all of life.  It's just a system that we have created on this planet-a rather stupid one at that.  You can't take it with you...so it is NOT a priority."  So much evolves around money---this affirmation has helped me so much.  One small negative thought of "oh my bank balance is low" can literally ruin an entire day.  Today begins the gratitude day....once again...I'm going to make myself type this every day. Something...at least one thing...that makes me happy or that I'm grateful for.  I so wish others would do this!!!  

Today I'm thankful for:

1) The clothes on my back

2) Bagel day at work

3) Pay day

4) A half day

5) That I have the opportunity to wake up in the morning and kiss someone who I love more than anything else.  

6) A weekend trip 

7) Good friends

8) Supportive family

9) Inspiring speeches from political leaders

10) FRIDAY! 

XOXOO

Justin

Grrrr

People who say "I'm not going to vote because either way we are screwed" need to be shipped out of this country and put into a place where they have NO rights to choose anything! They have NO healthcare, VERY little income, no freedom of speech, and have nothing to their own name.  I think if they lived in a place like this they might be grateful to be in a country where they have the opportunity to vote for a change.  We take so much for granted in this country.  We can truly change everything we want-it's OUR country.  These people who say they won't vote or who send out these terrible vibes of "nothing will change"  are hurting the collective conscious that is ready for change!!!!  Stop thinking negatively--get off your lazy fat ass and try to think positively for once!  We must be the change we want to see!!  Regardless of parties-you MUST be involved in this election!  This is a huge chance to change things!!  Suck it up we can make things better!  

I'm oh so proud to be an American!

--Justin

Mmmm recollections and more

This morning I wore short sleeves...I was certain that because of the bright sun that was coming into my window that it was going to be humid and hot as it was yesterday.  I opted to wear a short sleeve polo today.  Not my typical pick.  I really hate polos actually.  I don't think they are flattering on me at all. In fact the older I get the more set in my ways I get about style. Right now is this terrible "I NEED A NEW WARDROBE!" phase.  I'm purposely waiting for a few months before that happens.  Why?  Because of love fall...but I digress....so I wear a polo today.  I walk outside and it's actually a tad chilly.  Of course the day I don't wear long sleeves it's actually cool. Go figure.  BEcause honestly on a day after I pigged out at Blockheads with food AND had three margaritas I'm feeling the next day bloat.  I would never opt to wear something I feel totally uncomfortable in.  But whatever--those are my issues.  Honestly if I could wear gym shorts, a hat, and a hoody every day I would be in HEAVEN! SO comfortable.  Unfortunately the corporate world doesn't share my point of view on that. :-(  

I got to the train a few minutes late this morning and of course there are tons of people waiting for the train--which means one hasn't come in the past 10 minutes--which MEANS the train that will be coming will be completely packed and everyone will have to jam into a small car and it's going to be the most uncomfortable ride.  Sure enough I was right.  The train car smelled so strongly of body odor it was disgusting!  I couldn't believe how gross it was.  It's on these days that I truly miss hopping into my little car and driving to the office...listening to my music, etc.  Wouldn't that be nice. 

I was thinking the other day...on August 31 it will have been a full year since I've left BG.  It's crazy to me to think that an entire year has passed.  This time last year I was packing and getting ready to say so many goodbyes.  Preparing myself for that was one of the toughest things.  Leaving the place I knew for 7 years...the place that essentially became my home.  It was so difficult.  A year ago I couldn't imagine what my life would ever shape into, what it would become, and where I would end up.  When I left that day there were many tears, many kind words said, things that meant the world to me.  That long drive back to my parents-knowing I was truly saying goodbye to that life-was the hardest thing.  And after that...my weekend before coming to New York was the hardest.  Yet I made the decision-it had to happen.  I've kept in touch with the people who have chosen to also make an effort to stay in touch with me.  It's funny that time goes on and we forget about those tears and forget about all of what made us sad.  I guess that makes us human-when we're saying goodbye we don't want to let go.  We eventually do let go because we have to move on.  It's the beauty of life.  I'm so happy to be where I'm at in my life right now.  I'm surrounded by people who love me and who I love--I'm doing what I want to do--I'm paying the bills--I have found my soul mate--I'm happy. Life is so beautiful....

Justin

Really?

Has it really been almost two years since I've been out of school?  That's just insane! 

Monday

Yeah so today I needed a message that I put in my "important" folder.

Somehow this went missing.

UGH!

Frustrating way to start a Friday.

Still continuing to try and grasp a balance as always!! There are many things hopping on my plate. And the more I let go the easier things seem to happen.  

More to come soon...

not in the mood to blog lately. 

Sorry.

UGH! For real!

Motivation is tough for me sometimes.  I feel like I just can't seem to get the muck out of mind on certain days.  I think Tuesdays can be the worst.  I certainly don't want to become one of those people who is living for the weekend and cannot wait for the weekend.  That misses the mark of life I believe.  But days like today I long to be in my bed on Saturday morning sleeping.  I'm dealing with a lot of balance issues these days. Perhaps because so much is in limbo all the time lately.  I know after October 1 a lot will be changing--for the better.  My living arrangement will be completely changed.  This is something I'm very much looking forward to.  I feel that for so long things in my life have been "temporary."  I'm looking forward to living with Greg and knowing that we will be there until we get the apartment we want on the Upper West Side near the park. :-) That could be a while...but it will happen.  

Anyways. There's always a very un-alive feeling I get some days.  I have a wonderful day job. I'm very fortunate and blessed to have this opportunity.  Some days sitting on my ass gets to be exhausting.  And while yes I do bring other things to work on (the advantage)--it's hard because I do have to work sometimes to stay alert at the desk because people constantly come by.  There are times I think I should be on my feet more--but then I'm sure I would complain then.  It's the human problem--searching for perfection, which doesn't exist! I've got to deal with what's going on NOW.  Anyways...also career wise things are just kind of blah.  I feel lost & like I'm searching.  Or am I really?  I don't know.  I'm STILL after over a year of being out of school searching for the motivation within myself! Rather than being forced to do something.  That's a truly tough one.  I'm relieving some pressure in my mind from myself until rehearsals for cameleon begin in September.  

Off to the gym....then to a fitting...

can't wait to get home and take a damn nap.

-J.

suoni...

I had a dream the other night. I'm still trying to figure it out.

I was making my baked ziti...

when all of the sudden I was at a restaurant with my boy and we were talking

the people kept handing us plates

I kept saying "NO I NEED A FULL SERVING DISH OF THIS STUFF!!

Then all of the sudden we were in Italy.

Urbania Italy-where I lived. 

It was nuts. 

We were in Hakuna Matata and then Cafe Centrale. 

I couldn't believe it! 

I didn't know how we got there and more importantly in my dream how the hell we would get back! 

I remember panicking because I had to work the next day. And my friend Giulia (who lives there) was telling me it would take two full weeks.  I freaked out. Greg freaked out.

Then all of the sudden my Australian friend David was there and we were talking...

and then we took a motorcycle ride around the city.

All of the sudden then too I was sad.

I missed it...

I kept remembering the summer I spent there.

It was crazy.

I do miss Italy.

A lot.

Need this....

"I worried too much about tomorrow...I thought the world could be perfect. I was wrong!"

--Sunday in the Park With George

Monday Monday...So Good to Me

After sleeping about 10 hours yesterday I had a difficult time getting up.  

Good weekend

Busy weekend.

Back to the grind & constantly trying to figure things out-

where I am

what I'm doing

and constantly stop at the same time.  Stop thinking and just start doing. 

Stop worrying about time. 

It's only an illusion anyways.

Patience-something I don't have enough of. 

Wait, wait, wait--just do.

All will pay off.

**Justin