Wax on Wax off

Typical of my life I mistakenly thought today was pay day-when in actuality it's not.  Ugh!

One more day, right? 

I'm still ever thankful that I have a steady income, money in a 401K, savings, and some cash to my name--however big or small.  I'm thankful for this. 

In reality though I'm trying to change my thoughts about all of this life stuff-particularly money.

If you think about it, it's this crazy system that humans have invented that has just become this complicated nightmare for most people. It has caused so much fighting. You can't take it with you, right?  So I'm making myself stop thinking about it so damn much. My biggest goal in the next month is to NOT look at my 401k statement every week, to STOP analyzing and thinking about the future in terms of money so much, and just let it go.  In general this is something I'm striving to do...just let go.  Just breathe and let it all go. There's a balance that I actually have been finding-I need to trust that. Trust in the Universe, in God, and just let it all go.  

I want to move forward and in doing so I'm finding myself at the edge of the diving board just wanting to dive right in, when I know that my form isn't exactly right yet.  That has been a crutch and excuse for so long.  Now I realize the proactive attitude that needs to be taken to actually get the right form.  With the right form comes a wonderful, exciting, and correct dive that will have me bursting out of the water in no time.  Trust and breathe...

My reality has been somewhat warped by fear for so many years.  Fear of everything.  Perhaps it's where I come from, or maybe it's in my genes. I've recognized it and now it's time to move on.  I'm thankful that I have gained this knowledge about myself, and now patience is everything.  

In the meantime I am thankful for so much that is happening in my life.  The good friends that have come into my life, this relationship that has changed me for the better and having someone in my life who is so giving, warm, understanding, confident, patient, and everything else that I've ever wanted has been so life changing.  I think back on the days when I was single sometimes.  I think about those late nights out with friends, going home either alone or with someone--well so much less desirable.  I think about the relationships in my life that haven't worked and now I totally understand why--because this is perfect.  I'm so excited to kind of start over...or actually move ahead...it will be nice to have a cozy, comfy, and clean home.  I'm so thankful for this opportunity!  I'm thankful for so much right now, my life is abundant and full of joy!  

Happy Hump Day! :)

-J

Always Tired

Yet again I'm sleepy.

It has been a hell of a busy week.

My mood hopefully will lift soon.

I'm completely off of caffeine--

perhaps there's a LONG adjustment period to this.

Hopefully I can sleep in a bit this weekend.

The show was fun tonight.

Wax on, wax off.  

Time to be creative

I'm a little spent...

Maybe some studio time will help?

--Justin

Rainy again!

Today it's raining again...

I love how it barely rains and yet people decide to pop their umbrellas!  It never ends.  And yet most people have no clue that they should raise their damn umbrellas, I've resorted to just yelling at people when their umbrellas slam me in the face.  So annoying.  

Every day seems to get better and better in some ways here...the closer it gets to September the more I cannot believe I've been here an entire year.  That year has literally flown by.  I started thinking about it last night when Em was talking about her recent trip to Ohio and to BG.  We were starving after the call back and she was talking about Paglieyes(sp), Myles, El Zarape, and Easy Street....four of my fav. places in BG to eat.  It made me think of how much has changed in just a year, and how far away that time in my life seems.  It just seems like a completely different world from what I'm in now.  I have to say I'm proud of myself for the growth that has happened. It certainly hasn't always been easy, but it has been so enlightening to just expand and fly.  There are few people who I miss, but life continues to just move on.  I had a dream last night where I saw one of my best friends.  I haven't seen her in almost a year--the longest we have ever gone without seeing one another.  I feel like we've barely spoken to each other in that year-in fact we haven't really.  A lot in the beginning, but only a couple of times in the winter.  I never thought that would happen, but it did.  Sometimes you need a bit of home...but...home is a different place with different people now.  

Now it's back to work...

Maybe some more exciting news later...

Justin

Rainy Days & Mondays Always Get Me Down!

I wish it were raining--then perhaps it would be at least five or ten degrees cooler.  It's hot as hell here in the city.  Just walking to the train in the morning and then doing one transfer causes me to break out in a furious sweat.  It's disgusting...

Last Thursday night was magical. To be surprised and realize I am in loved in such a strong and true way is one of the most amazing things.  Greg took me to The View...which is this revolving restaurant on the 48th floor of the Marriott Marquis.  It makes a complete 360 showing you a fantastic view of the city in an hour.  The food was amazing, the view was magical, but the company was the best part.  My love continues to solidify itself and I continue to feel even more grounded in life mainly because of that.  :)  I can't wait until a couple of months from now--I just can't wait. I'm tired of living in a chaotic mess right now...all of that will be changing very soon.  

The show went well and was fun this weekend...had an amazing dinner with Kerrie on Saturday and then a great time in the studio after that for a few hours.  Ahhh....

I didn't get my coffee this morning. Somehow I'm going to get some.  

Love

Justin

Thursday

6 Months...

Has it been that long?

I can't believe it.

Not a long time? Not really...but wow. 

I love landmark kind of dates.

:) I'm so happy.

I'm tired too lately.

Not sleeping well or getting to sleep.

Some of it is in my head.

Gotta get that to stop.

For now I smile...

I can't wait for tonight!

--Justin

While it's fresh...

The MTA really pisses me off.  I'm sure it does a lot of other people as well.  WHY do the trains have to run on a different schedule on the weekend?!?!?!  Ok I can deal with that...

did they somehow FORGET that it's MONDAY?!?!?!?!?  I get to the stop a little later than normal but know that there is usually an R right at 8:07 and I will still get to work ON TIME as long as I get this and do a little bit of brisk walking.  8:14 and of course the station is PACKED---NOT A GOOD SIGN!!!!!!  Of course the V train arrives.  It is jam packed full of people.  I get in...my arms losing circulation trying to hold my bags and also hold the nearest bar which seems far away because there are so many people.  The train moves slower than sin first of all...then stops for 5 minutes at the next to last stop. "Train traffic ahead!!!"  BULLSHIT!!!!!!  FINALLY we get to my stop...of course people are pushing and angry all morning....whatever.  I hop onto the six.  Then of course you have 5 or 6 people last minute holding the damn doors open so they can get in.  I had my headphones on...but didn't realize that what I was thinking was coming out of my mouth...evidentally something like "YOU PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES" came out....as several people around me looked...and then a guy got up out of his seat and started yelling at those people....I mean screaming at them....I felt bad because I probably started something-but it serves them right.  Assholes.  

As I get out I hear someone say that the R service was suspended in the morning...WHY WAS this NOT announced?!?!?  I'm going to start making it a habit of going to the web site to see if there are any service changes.  But who knows if it will be accurate.  As I'm riding I see one of MTA's cheesy signs saying how green they are and that they're proud.  I'm so happy they're green....but please run MORE trains and get people to where they need to be ON TIME!

Ahhhh public transportation.  It's still better than paying gas, car insurance, car payment...etc...but GOD this morning I would have done anything to just  been back to the days when I hopped in my quiet, clean car and drove to work.  

C'est la vie.

--Justin

All the same...

Today I find myself tired and wishing I was in bed as always.

Not sure if it's just that I can't discipline myself to get into bed at a good time...or if it's just that I get a second wind once I get home and suddenly forget what it feels like the next morning.  

Or is it all in my head?

I think that's part of it.  This part of me that things because I don't get 10 hours of sleep that I'm drained....tired...and just wearing myself out.  I know it's crazy.  Today is one of those days.  I am tired...and I really need to start getting at least a full 8 hours rather than a full 6 or 6 1/2 hours.  My mojo is finally almost all back.  I'm not questioning my realities any more--THANK GOD!  Always have to keep that in check.  

Things I'm thankful for today:

1. All of last week...it was fantastic and I wish it could be like that almost all of the time. 

2. Having money--whether it's only a little or a lot.

3. Getting to work safe.

4. Not having to drive to work and spend $$$ on gas.

5. Sweet kisses in the morning.

6. Those two cups of decaff. coffee that I have every morning.

I know there's more...but suddenly I'm distracted by offering ideas for cabaret music. :)

Justin

Today

Today my back hurts on the right side...

I pulled something

probably during sex last night. 

Who knows..

anyways...

AMAZING weekend! 

Surrounded by friends and food.

Weekends like this remind me that I'm alive. 

I love it.

Today is a short one.

Not feeling it right now. 

Perhaps later.

--

Justin

Question

So Victoria Clark...who I adore...supposedly made her Broadway debut in the original Sunday in the Park With George back in '85.  Ummm....does anyone know what character she played?  I can't seem to find ANYTHING about her in this production.  Yes I have checked IBDB.

???!?!?

Curious--

Justin