Night Owl

it's 2 a.m.
I cant sleep...
haven't been able to get to bed before 3 a.m. in days.
it's like I wake up when midnight hits or something.
There's nothing on t.v.
I've just had a conversation with David in Australia...I miss him terribly.
Big decisions to make...
gotta move soon.
Many things answered last night...
tonight in my dinner with parents.
this craziness was necessary-
there was a reason for it all.
only the universe knows the actual reason
I can feel the energy behind it.
positve thinking
the laws of attraction.
im thinking many things right now
everything will open up
i need to be that magnet.
for now...
tomorrow is another day.

Bad day

in many ways...
today was an utterly shitty day after a point!
still no phone charger (that's why it goes into voice mail kids and there's no text response) hopefully tomorrow...
get car sick
see a hillarious movie
come home and am pissy...
everything just going wacko--
$130 in parking tickets from BG? are you kidding me?!? I haven't been there!
deadlines...
deadlines...
Bills...
career? what's that...
just one of those days.
Nothing but free radicals running through my body right now...
Oh bother.
Perhaps tomrrow will shine a different light.

Lessons Learned

From "dumping" a bunch of baggage the necessity to share things I have learned in recent days is overwhelming...so here goes:

1. Communication is key-never be afraid of communicating with those you most love and adore holding stuff in will hurt you.

2. One cannot make a big move hanging on to tons of baggage.

3. "I chose and my world was shaken...so what?! The choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not..."--this has been an anchor.

4. Always be honest and true to yourself, your art, and your talent. Anything else is a waste of your resources and energy--losing yourself is not good.

5. NYC is most amazing on a cool night for long walks.

6. Loving someone involves letting them go--and I mean completely letting them go.

7. It's hard saying goodbye...putting one foot in front of the other and moving on are key.

8. Change is bound to happen-you truly can't postpone or pray that this doesn't happen.

9. A backbone is good to have!

10. Most people will fall back on old habits, old ways of thinking, etc...that's ok--you don't have to do that and PLEASE don't worry because they will be just fine.

11. Making out for long intervals in an NYC Irish bar in the bathroom can be serious fun!

12. People protecting your no-no place from others are amazing!

13. Drama is no fun.

14. Family is the best.

15. It really IS possible for two gay men to be in a long term committed relationship AND get married AND buy a house AND be normal!

16. Massachusettes is gorgeous!

17. Leaving your phone charger places is not good.

18. GPS systems rock my world!

19. Sleeping is my friend!

20. Time heals everything!

Points

These eleven points were in an online article I read by David Jones (who I enjoy sometimes...). These are outlining from his teaching observations over the years some of the attributes actual working singers had. These made a lot of sense and I am embarrassed to say that most of them I rarely do. What a wake up call. I'm not for formulas and I believe every experience has to be different...but these are pretty darn standard for most of us.
The full article can be found at:

1.Passion for singing which inspires vocal work on an every day basis; even without a contract. This creates consistency.

2.Curiosity for the research of the recordings of great singers of the past.

3.Ability to achieve emotional calm (focus) in order to concentrate.

4.Healthy physical exercise routine and realization that the voice and the body are one.

5.Study of appropriate future roles; even without a contract. Moving forward constantly in the learning process.

6.Meditation; some form of relaxation technique.

7.Body work; massage, Alexander technique, shiatsu, yoga, or another body discipline. The singer becomes body aware.

8.Appropriate amount of rest; recommended sleep; 8 hours for men, 8 1/2 hours for women.

9.Desire to help other singers in their quest: this helps a singer to avoid becoming overly self-focused.

10.Balance between working time and relaxation time.

11.Find a charity to consistently help others. This avoids too much self- focus.

My friend...

After a long day I come home
I come home to vocalize
getting the voice moving forward
relief
it's still there
more is there
so much to uncover.
Take out my digital recorder.
I use it for audio feeback for myself.
Decide again to rewind to previous recordings.
I hear a familiar voice
singing Beau Soir
Maybe This Time from Cabaret
& Stars and Moon.
I cant help but sit with tears
the beauty
the honesty of this rehearsal
the honesty of the sound.
There's something major in there
dont give up your dreams my forever best friend!
U r an example of stepping away
reprioritizing
realizing
this isn't the MOST important
that made everything so much better.
If only we could open our own cabaret
perhaps someday.
you belong in the studio
on the stage
somewhere this voice truly belongs.
Strangely you have become my example right now.
Thanks to you
gratitude more than you will know!

Finally...some clarity

Craziness in the previous few weeks
the present-craziness.
All too present loss is looming around us right now.
Must look and move forward.
For me a moment of clarity
truth
definition
logic
God?
yes.
A peaceful answer to questions
mysterious and clear answers.
More vocalizing
more committment to art
more committment to music
what I've failed to do in the past-
now my yes must mean yes
and my no must be as equal as my strong yes-
nothing in between.
old thought patterns
old voices
old habits
finally must be broken
must be taken away.
nothing is a quick fix-
it's the process.
STOP worrying where you're going...
MOVE ON
if you could know where you're going--YOU'VE GONE...
the point of knowing would be?
change has been rapidly accelerating
everywhere.
I couldn't deal
couldn't cope.
My tools were not sharpened...
my weapons were not strong enough.
taking precious care to be
to be what I am
to nuture that...
to nuture connections
mind
body
soul.
For a brief moment-
bliss in clarity
tomorrow?
a journey begins...
say a prayer
continuing to be patient and listen
it really works.
For now...one of the most amazing songs:

The Real Discussion

Ms. Spears NOW involved in a hit and run?!?



Can someone please help this girl? Seriously...I'm so sick of the media just publishing all of these stories about her and allowing her to perform when it's obvious someone needs to help her! Are we just now almost completely celebrity gossip whores as a society that we accept someone who is behaving like this to be entertaining and normal?!? How are we going to stand back and just laugh at a 25 year old who is publically going crazy? Where is her mother? This is too sad. I've never been a huge fan...but lately I can only imagine what this girl must be going through. Seriously...a hit and run? Is this going to be the next Anna Nicole?

My boys

I stole this picture from someone...these are my boys at their wedding! This was seriously one of the best moments I've experienced...seeing two people who truly connect and love each other make their committment publicly!! I've known these guys for seven years and their love for each other has grown. I was so honored to be the best man for this....these are two of my best friends and two of the kindest and most genuine souls anyone could meet!

Here's to you Mrs. Robinson and all ye others

As a young boy I remember watching Romancing the Stone, The Jewel of the Nile, and Peggy Sue Got Married...my rememberence of this primarily because of Ms. Turner. Her voice, her wit, and her presence on the screen all gave me shivers every time I watched her. I forgot about her until one cold evening in March 2000 when I saw Ms. Turner in the one woman play "Tallulah." Her performance was beyond words as she portrayed Tallulah Bankhead to perfection. The way she spoke, the way she walked, and my God the way she lit a cigarette could make this gay boy turn straight. My infatutation with her has since grown...seeing her peformance Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf on broadway was a thrilling experience, and truly the best night of theatre in my life--ever! I wonder why more of her kind arent' being brought up...it's depressing in a way. She seems to be the last of her kind in so many ways-the final resemblance of the good old days of theatre and film-when being able to truly act and chew the scenery was enough. I love you Kathleen Turner!




Ok yes I admit the one really verifies my homosexuality. So the voice is going just a tad...but the truth behind her acting and her singing brings tears to my eyes. I have traveled more hours to see this woman perform than I have put into my own family visits. Her Mama Rose was unbelievable and her Annie in Annie Get Your Gun was perfection. But what I love most about Bernadette Peters is her honesty, her committment to creating something new each time she appears, and her integrity as an actress and a woman. I have met this amazing person three times and each time she has shown nothing but a generous talent full of life and love.




Ok there's no other voice as amazing and soothing as that of Karen Carpenter! Call me crazy but even as a trained singer I kill for those moments of a long car drive, train ride, etc when suddenly Karen's voice pops into my ears. The honesty and timbre of her voice automatically make me feel good...make me smile...and bring me out of any darkness I may be in. Hmmm maybe I should listen to some Carpenters. As an odd young child my fascination with the Carpenters came from seeing her life story aired on CBS (yes I still own the original copy taped on the VHS from the late 1980s). "Caught Between Goodbye and I love You..." is one of my favorites and some of the stuff released later that wasn't when she was alive is the best stuff. There will NEVER be another talen like hers. This is why my frustration becomes extreme at current singers who barely can move on the stage and take for granted everything they have...if only Karen were still here.



"Patty Duke...Nobody does it better!" As a 3rd grader I was best friends with a kid named Bobby who adored anything and everything from the 50's and 60's. He introduced me to a show called "Nick at Night." I adored Patty Duke from the first time I saw "The Patty Duke Show." I couldn't believe it when I saw her in "Valley of the Dolls" on Starz some years later and fell in love with that specific movie. To me her acting is way underrated...especially the later stuff. She's a strong woman...and by God as Neely O'Hara she is the ultimate diva! Meeting her in Illinois after a performance of "Love Letters" last year was truly a dream come true!!



If there were ever a man who could by his voice and physically be described as my ideal man...Peter Krause would be it! In Six Feet Under he was amazing and in all of his films his ease of character is astonishing...but more importantly to this boy...Peter Krause symbolizes the perfect husband for me!! From his voice, his total physical appearance, and his personality...he hits it home for me every single time! Marry me?




Ok so the character Ruth from Six Feet Under played by probably the BEST actress...is totally me! I related more to Ruth than anyone else and if I were to say I was a character in Six Feet Under (my favorite show of all time) I would definitely be Ruth Fisher!!!! Her surprising outbursts, her intelligence, her dry humor, her inability to deal with reality sometimes, her craziness, etc is ALL me!



Yes I save the best for last...Sharon Tate. This angel is a mystery to those of us who know and "love" her. Unfortunately most people know her as the victim of the Charles Manson family murders. Sadly this is primarily one of the only ways people know of her and become fascinated with her. I became fascinated with her after seeing her in "Valley of the Dolls." I couldn't understand her beauty...it didn't seem real but yet it did at the same time. I became fascinated with her even before I knew what happened to her. I have and will always adore Sharon Tate...for many personal reasons I will always pay tribute to her....

My scenario and introduction

A young man is born into a very intersting world of colors, shapes, and personalities. A small town encompasses his adolescence and through much adversity he comes into his teenage years. Standing on the stage singing, acting, and auditioning he has found an escape. "Finally something to take me out of my typical realm," he says. As he explores this he decides he wants to continue down this path seriously. His fantasies abound and suddenly it has become a world all to himself, a world he is unable to truly cope with because his need for bigger and better for succeeds anything else. He loves, plays, cries, laughs, and dreams hard without thinking. Somehow he has managed to maintain this. He leaves this world to begin in a new place...a new place of learning...a place known to teach you everything. He falls under the spell of different methods, different ways of life, and very soon has stops loving, playing, crying, and laughing hard. Dreaming hard is something he will never lose. Opportunities abound for him to love, play, cry, and laugh but as he gets older he ignores them...slowly walking away to something else. He finds small glimpses of these things he once loved and simply views them as that, entities of the past that can truly never last. When he feels he loves hard his heart feels broken because he can no longer be honest with himself. He hates this yet he remains in this place of comfort and of security. He moves on to another phase in this place of security only to hide more. Finally after several years and months he decides to jump, he decides to jump fast and hard and realizes that he misses loving, playing, crying, and laughing hard. He prepares to leave running frantically leaving a few things on the ground as he runs to the airport...a sweater here, a cd here, a box here, and a glove there. As he checks his baggage he is 20 lbs overweight. He is asked to remove things and carry them onto the plane in his carryone (which is already way too full). Slowly his arms become more full of books, shoes, and more books. He becomes happy when the luggage is finally accepted and he runs to the plane. Excited he begins to board only to realize his arms are way too full for him to get into the door. He makes the quick decision to leave everything in a warm seat in the terminal in hopes that he will simply forget about it and it won't matter once he's gone. As he finds his seat and the plane is about to take off he begins to realize he left several important documents in the terminal, and that way too many things he needed were left out. He ponders for a while and realizes that he must get off the plane, go back to home base, and start over. In the midst of forgetting to love, play, cry, and laugh hard he also forgot to think of himself and to take time to sort through everything that he would only need to take with him, not this excess baggage. Now he is alone trying his hardest to be that boy on the stage again...loving hard, laughing hard, playing hard, crying hard, dreaming hard, and being the best he can be. This is my story in so many ways. This is my blog...my thoughts are random...as I begin to find myself and see myself clearly I am reminded that one of my strongest suits is writing...things I say may be weird, off the wall, random, or completely sensible. Deal with it...