Missing

Ran across a video of an entire tour of where I lived for a while in Italy. It made me miss the place...remember the culture...the food...the friends...the performances....God it seems like forever ago...there were many long walks & talks late night on these streets with Bernard. And many a drunken nights walking home from Cafe Centrale.
*sigh*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxvqmUsBB4c

Quote of the Day

Based on recent forecasts in the news...the following quote is very true....

"this is the end of air travel as we know it..." ---my friend Kim Thompson @ 3:34 P.M.  She's a genius. 

-Peace

Justin

Sand

Today after being grumpy for over 24 hours...

my boyfriend said that I had sand up my vagina. 

That made me laugh...

that combined with my amazing lunch workout made me feel better.

The world is well again. 

:)

Motivation

Today I'm still playing the tennis game...

only I see that it's slowing down

I'm losing momentum with caring to watch.

It's wrong..

I should...

this happens mid-week.

I WILL feel better.

The gym WILL pick me up!

Justin

Reevaluating....

Yeah things slip through the cracks sometimes with me-what can I say...I'm human.  I'm going to hold myself accountable this time-totally accountable.  I am going to for real quit smoking--I'm determined.  It's an awful habit...blah blah. There are so many reasons.  I start and then I don't follow through--I either try to do it all at once, which helps to set one up for failure...or I plan it out and stop following through after about a week.  So publicly outlining my plan of action perhaps will help me be help more accountable:

Quit Date (this is the actual beginning of full recovery and NO smoking): July 13th, 2008

PLAN of action:

June 25, 26, & 27th: 

**Start breaking habits again.  No cigarettes before getting on the train in the morning.  Can have one ONLY before getting into the office-once I've arrived.  But NONE before.  

**Write down a list of reasons why I'm quitting-and the benefits.  Pull this out every free moment and read it-reminding myself of why I'm doing this. 

**No cigarettes before the gym.

**No cigarettes before the ride home...only one when I get to the apartment.  

**Wait 30 minutes after eating before having cigarette.  

June 27th, 28th, 29th:

**Continue with the habit breakers used previously.  Since it's the weekend...wait to have first cigarette at least an hour after being awake.  

**Wait 40 minutes after eating before having a cigarette. 

**Drink water at the onset of having a craving and do some deep breathing exercises 

**Make note of every urge to smoke and remind myself why I want to quit

June 30th, July 1st-6th:

** No cigarettes before 11 every day.  

** Constantly review reasons why quitting and positive affirmations

**No smoking during the day except 11:00 & 4:00 breaks

**Completely eliminate cigarette intake when get off train going home.  

**No smoking until later in the early evening.  

**No smoking after 9 p.m.  

**Limit total intake to around 5-8 a day or less. 

**Really practice this week resisting cravings with deep breathing, drinking water, and distractions--also increasing amount of physical exercise.  

July 7th-12:

**Constantly remind self why quitting by reviewing list.

**Really continue to get deeper in resisting cravings and finding more distractions. 

**Constant reminder of the number of days it takes to break a habit.

**Positive thinking 

**No cigarettes during the day at work on breaks or anything. 

**Only between 1-5 a day allotted

Yeah...

Our country...

regardless of what you say is too divided.

I've heard way too much today about things Obama has said

he said

she said

they said....

I'm so sick of it. 

I was raised in a church life.  Every Sunday we went to church, every sunday evening, every Wed. evening...always the same.  The denomination was non-denominational/pentecostal.  My father was a member (still is) of the ministry.  All my life I was surrounded by scripture, long services, sermons that were touching, sermons that were hell bent, and prayers and meetings that would scare anyone who didn't know any better away.  I started questioning things when I turned 16.  Inevitably this was just not acceptable...how dare I question the existence of the ALMIGHTY--ALL-FEARING God.  But I did.  I had had it up to my neck with the same shit every week.  Hearing and knowing about all the corruption, bickering, and terrible things that go on within the walls of a ministry.  I have many stories that could frighten you away from church for forever.  When I left the nest I stopped going altogether...I would pick up on occasion when my guilt was strong enough. I realized a couple of years ago that what I do is a personal choice...what anyone does is a personal choice...and I also realized just how insane radical christianity can be and how harmful it can actually be if taught the wrong way.  I was taught hate in many ways....sure we can sugar coat it by saying "those people aren't children of God..." blah blah...but deep down it was always judging and being judgmental.  One should never drink alcohol, curse, smoke, have sex before marriage, be homosexual, or even think lustful thoughts--otherwise you're going to go to hell.  The teachings were basically a live your life this way, accept Jesus as your savior, be filled with the spirit, and you'll go to heaven and be happy and be with the Lord.  From my experience they seem to totally forget the positive messages that Jesus taught...they way he spoke....the peace he offered....it's gloom and doom to them.  And now in this day when I feel our country is so divided mainly because of people who teach this way and believe EVERYONE should believe the same way--I get frustrated and angry.Yes the Bible says to let your light shine before men---but it doesn't say...let your light be a flame to ignite judgment and fear!  I mean wasn't Jesus the perfect example of man?? THE PERFECT man!  

  After many years of growing up...talking with therapists...studying...and yes praying...I feel confident in my ever growing faith.  I believe in God, yes.  I'm not going to judge another person--what another person does is none of my business.  There are laws that are common that I feel are just common sense...don't kill anyone, be good natured...love one another...don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat...etc....etc.....What Obama said recently makes sense to me...if you haven't read it go read it....James Dodson's Focus On the Family is ridiculously fighting him on what he said....trying yet again to pull the extreme radical conservative votes.  It's ridiculous.  

Thanks for letting me rant. 

Revolving

This morning on the train I felt happier than I have in a while--

a sudden burst of wonderful energy hit me last evening-not sure exactly what it was. 

Exploring the inner child could be the cause, I hope so at least. 

It's a dark world today; the news is nothing but gloom and doom-always.

Today I feel I've begun to press through that--

having to remind myself to always evolve

always move

things change

life is fleeting--

enjoy it--

stop worrying about it--

just keep going.  

Here's to moving...

Justin

Lifetime movies

You know you've had a good weekend

when you watch two lifetime movies in a row. 

I know I have hit the ultimate point of "I can really relax" 

when I can sit and actually get sucked into two lifetime movies and not turn them off.

Thus was my weekend.

Amazing weekend.

Friday was spent upstate--

an amazing and wonderful evening with three of my favorite people in the world...

One of them prepared the most amazing dinner and hosted the best party.  

It was bliss...

the beauty of the mountains..

everything...

just being able to be mellow and chill--that was the best.

Saturday came back..

did nothing...which was heaven.

Slept in tons all weekend.

Finally am caught up.

Yesterday lifetime was our friend...

cooking...

working out...

sex...

sleeping...

it was heaven.

I'm so thankful for a wonderful weekend...

Today I'm just trying to hang onto that energy...

forever.

XO