Fresh Start

This has been a long week-to say the least.
Rarely do I go out during the week.
Least of all Mondays.
I set my week up poorly by living it up Monday night a bit.
Discipline Justin, I constantly tell myself this.
A great time.
However it set up my week in the worst way.
I've been tired, cranky, and have had no motivation.
Tomorrow starts a new day after a full nights sleep.
I continue to work on the dream book-
do some writing.
Motivation and connection---always.
Kathleen Turner book signing tomorrow-I can't wait.
Buona notte.
-Justin

Stoned on u

This weekend
in bed
A LOT
not alone-which is better.
Watched all of Lord of the Rings-beautiful.
Seeing his face all day was magical
reassuring.
For now I can only smile and think of him
the one I love.
Tonight I party with friends-
the Oscars.
I was stunned today to hear late news...
she taught me piano for a couple of years
died suddenly in October.
Still can't quite believe it.
She had a spunky and fun loving personality
took an interest in my career
I will always think of her when I hear Chopin---
what I played so often with her.
That Southern accent assuring me that I was better than I thought.
The world is full of surprising news these days.
Words have been spoken about me
by a former keeper of my heart-
I find this news recently
not a surprise.
Say what you will.
It's true-
yes Steve is better looking than you
and yes it's true.
Bunnies go bye bye.
--justin

An honest one

I've made a lot of changes in my life lately.

Some have been huge changes

others have just been minor adjustments. 

The switch has gotten flipped again...I have decided to pursue my talents in theatre rather than opera.  I have been considering this for some time, pondering and searching through my heart and soul for the answers.  My final confirmation came last night after singing once again and hearing the same thing over and over.  My voice is a very lyrical voice.  I wouldn't say small...but the color is not a biting, brooding, dark color that just screams at you from the stage.  For the longest time I wanted it to be so much more.  I wanted my voice to be something that it isn't.  I felt opera was the supreme form of art--and I still think it's the best combination of everything theatre has to offer.  I never felt that I fit.  My constant feeling of pushing and thinking just stood in the way.  I cannot be what I'm not anymore-I'm not suited for something that I have little passion for doing.  I don't have the constitution to sit around and wait for years for something to happen.  15 more years and the voice will be mature completely...I will be 40.  My heart pulls me elsewhere...the voices in the back of my mind that I have pictured looking down on this are now gone. 

  When I was 16 I wanted nothing more than to be an actor on broadway...I wanted to sing Sondheim...I wanted to learn how to dance...and I wanted so much more.  When I was 5 I sat in the car with my dad and proclaimed that I was going to be an actor. He told me it was really difficult to do that--and I defied him...screaming and shouting that I could and WOULD some day do it.  Since I've stepped away from the academic world I feel these heart tugs coming back stronger and stronger each day.  Of course now I feel I can go full steam for a lot of reasons.  I sang All the Wasted Time last night and it was very clear that this is where I belong.  What I belong doing and pursuing.  There are good things in sight.  

I'm confident that my education has shaped all of this-has allowed me to now be the 16 year old dreamer but with more confidence, more structure.  Vocally I feel that I could do anything.  So with that said...the passion is beginning to flow again.  Here I go...

:-)

It Dreams Itself Back To Me....

Today I dreamed of the tree lined streets of Massachusetts as I rode the crowded no. 4 train. *sigh*
I'm off to dreamland early...
Tomorrow I sing:
Deh Vieni from D. Giovanni
Dandini's aria
The Trumpet Shall Sound
Ideale
Strings in the Earth and Air
All the Wasted Time.
I flip through the book tonight
a breath of fresh air
it comes back
slowly
tomorrow I travel to the upper east side to sing.
All that I've learned and discovered comes...
it's time to play.
:)

I'm tired

Spring needs to come. All that long sleeping in this weekend spoiled me.  I'm tired. I hate getting up early every day.  :)

PERFECTION

This weekend was perfection because I spent it with my two best friends in the entire world in Massachusetts and I introduced that part of my life to someone I'm deeply in love with.  I was thrilled that everyone just seemed to share an instant connection...the impromtu dinner party was amazing on Sunday...surrounded by lots of love.  

Because of time I can't say much more...except I feel so blessed and so loved to be surrounded by some of the most amazing people.  

-Justin

KT

Larry King just gave one of the worst interviews I've ever seen him give to my fav...Kathleen Turner. He obviously had NO idea what she wrote about in her book...he asked the most random questions...if it weren't for her wonderful personality the interview just would have been a bomb. My favorite part was at the end when she looked in the camera (because OH she knows how to do that still) and said "Hunny I just really need to have sex...I miss it." HAHA! LOVE her.
I'm off to Massachusettes in the morning with Greg to spend the weekend with my two best friends-since it's a long weekend.
A full review of Sunday in the Park With George will be coming.
Happy long weekend-
Justin