Today

Change remains the only constant--thankfully!  Today I'm thankful for much...especially in a world where politics and talk of recession, financial depression, and gloom are running crazy.  I'm thankful for:

1) Waking up in a pretty good mood.

2) Even though I didn't have hot water for at least being able to get into the shower this morning and bathe. 

3) All the thousands of people including myself who walked in the AidsWalk yesterday in Central Park. 

4) For having an amazing supervisor at work who isn't angry with me when I'm almost 20 minutes late because of the train. 

5) For having great friends.

6) For having money to put food in my stomach.

7) For having a nice weekend with Greg.

8) For being able to watch Joplin last week...(merrrr I miss her)

9) For having work.

10) For not having a car and the expense that it brings right now. 

11) For having a long weekend coming up.

12) For having the knowledge and ability to bring my own art into my life that I choose.

13) For having a voice.

14) For reconnecting.

15) For disconnecting. 

16) For cleaning out and starting fresh. 

17) For lunch in my bag today.

18) For supportive parents.

19) For clothes on my back.

20) For health.

21) For happiness.

22) For music.

23) For Kathleen Turner on my ipod this morning.

More to come...today was long...I have much to be grateful for.  :) Today and this week will be good! 

XO

Justin

I'm thankful...

this morning for:

Thus far raising $325 for the Aids Walk on Sunday...being closer to my $500 goal.  

The people who have selflessly given to this cause!!

Waking up having a cute dog lick my face

and even better--waking up next to my amazing love who regardless of how ugly I am in the morning, pissy I have been lately, weird I have been acting...has loved me regardless. :)

Having an amazing dinner last night.

Mashed potatoes that taste like heaven.  

Starbucks that isn't totally crammed with people this morning.  

PayDay!

Having food in my stomach.

Having money in my wallet and bank.

The train being on time.

Having an amazing boss.

Reconnecting.

Seltzer Water.

The Today Show....

air conditioning.

xo

Justin

Gym and such

So this is a short little fun story...I guess my mouth opens before my brain really says "you shouldn't say that..."  But I'm thankful for what is now a funny story to me:

I'm in the gym...I just get done showering and I'm anxious to check my cell phone to see if my friend Andy called because I went WAY over my workout time.  Seeing that I am supposed to meet him I want to see if he's called to make sure I'm not late.  I go to my locker and pull out my phone.  Clearly I'm in just a towel but I'm grabbing my phone to briefly look and see if I've missed a call.  There is a sign that says "no cell phones permitted in use in locker room."  Ok well we all know why that is...obviously someone could take numerous pictures and videos of men completely naked and then post them on the net.  I've seen many guys use their cell phones, so I'm thinking it's no big deal.  I pull mine out and notice I have a voice mail.  I walk to the mirror while checking my message and start putting my product in my hair.  As I close my phone and walk back I notice an old, rather over weight man staring at me-whilst buck naked.  He says to me in a very prudish tone, "you're not supposed to use those in here."  Without thinking my mouth opened and I find myself saying "well just so you know I'm making a phone call that's important--and if I were to take nudie pictures or videos it would not be of you!"  

AHHAHA! 

Justin

This is the problem with our society!

Wow...this is ridiculous. This is what I grew up hearing--and now it makes me sick....realizing the hatred in this. This is what's dividing our country right now folks. We cannot let these narrow minded people force their beliefs on everyone else. It relates to my favorite prayer: "Lord please save me from your people!"

Mainstream...and gratitude

Today I'm thankful for:

1) waking up in a warm bed next to someone I love. 

2) having the first day in months of just going with the flow.

3) feeling alive.

4) having drinks with great friends last night.

5) Kelly Francis and her half full approach to life.

6) Kim Thomspon--just for being her every day and making me think in ways I don't usually think.

7) New possibilities.

8) An open mind.

9) people to cover the desk when I'm gone.

10) The guy in the coffee shop in the building who has mine ready as soon as I step up to the counter in the mornings. 

11) A red pen that I love at my desk.

12) A trip to see my family in PA tomorrow.

13) A free evening.

14) An evening of no gym.

15) getting paid next week. 

Mainstream issues...

I'm trying to get it through my head that it's ok to be a multi-tasker in life.  For some reason I used to be able to do this and the older I get the more it feels impossible. These ideals that one should do just do one thing and be set with that are ridiculous.  Yet I find myself clinging to them the older that I get.  I think it can be scary for people who have these ideals in their head of who they are to really jump off the normal path.  For me I'm finding that I can't sit still very long without getting bored.  I don't want to be bored.  Especially bored artistically.  Life is way too short to be stewing all of the time.  I saw two actors on the train yesterday and listened to their conversations about how they were doing 8 auditions a day and not getting work...and they were frustrated because they had no money and were worn out.  They looked like hell--and I thought "how could you possibly give a good audition looking the way you do and feeling so tired?"  Some people think one doesn't have drive if they're not wanting to constantly audition...they think they just are lazy. I don't always agree.  Yes I'm sure there are lazy actors/singers out there-I know some.  But the quality of work being offered is not the best.  I look for auditions frequently...and nothing sparks me.  Yes there is a chain you have to crawl up so they say--but really, do you?  Does one really have to compromise their artistic values for a small paycheck just to put something on the resume?  I believe I would rather do free GOOD work than shitty paid work just to put something on my resume.  I read Classical Singer magazine and I am mixed between the thoughts of..."wow this so great that there is a community for people..." and "oh my this is TOO much of everyone trying to learn the same thing and figure things out..."  I've decided I have a lot of interests...reading is a key for keeping my mind clear.  I've been reading A NEW EARTH by Eckhart Tolle.  It's quite good--and remarkably life changing.  I'm almost finished and I'm hoping to keep with the truth of each and every moment.  But I want to be a multi-tasker. I want to do different things.  Passion will carry you through...you have to be completely engaged so that the passion pulls you in.  I haven't felt that in a while.  There hasn't been any project that has kept me up all night learning lines, studying, reading, etc....for a LONG time.  I want that again. I want that obsession--that drive.  I know it's slowly coming back...and I just have to be open to whatever form it may come in.  Onwards and upwards, eh?  

Justin

Today

Today I'm thankful for:

1) The free box of girl scout cookies.

2) The sun

3) having money

4) being alive

5) having a good conversation with Doug this morning.

6) my flowers that were given to me. 

7) having a good laugh

8) hearing Kim's laughter.

9) Getting a good chuckle out of another person ignoring my request--too funny!

10) Reconnecting with some ties.

11) Breaking old ones.

12) Learning to make peace with some things.

13) thinking about making sweet love tonight.

14) being able to read.

All of the above and more...

it's a good day.

Ciao-

Justin

Dreaming

Dreaming is fun-it fills my heart with hope.

My mixed emotions of "wow is this my life?"

hit hard.

Hit hard in a good way.

There are so many things I want. 

So many things I know will for sure happen.

In time.

Impatient? Yes.

Being with three of my favorite people all weekend--

happy days.

Makes me want to live closer. 

I can envision dinner parties weekly...

being a part of that daily life

with people I love.  It feels essential.

Today I woke up with less back pain.

I woke up extremely happy.

Coming back into my room to sweet kisses

I didn't want to leave.

I could have stayed all day.

Noticing the little things...

the way the chin and lips are set

just how I like them.

I'm thankful for all of this..

so many things.

My heart is full.

XO

Justin

Trains

So this morning was probably one of the most interesting train rides I've had since I've been here in New York.  I get to my stop about 10 minutes earlier than normal because I'm wanting to get to work early.  The train is of course running behind and so I know then at this point that when it comes it's gonna be packed full of people.  Of course as it pulls up I look in and people are barely able to move.  I'm determined to get in and I do. I move to as close to the center as possible and I grab on to the rail.  As the train starts to take off I notice someone sitting on the floor of the train right next to me...legs spread out.  Usually I only see this if it's a homeless person or in general someone a few fries short of a happy meal.  Of course I notice the lady sitting there.  I saw her get kicked off an evening train once when I was heading to midtown from my apartment. I remembered her cursing at nothing and just acting violent, and the conductor kicking her off.  It was the first time I saw that.  Well...within a few short minutes of me standing next to her--being surrounded by people--I hear her screaming again.  She's screaming things like..."FUCK YOU YOU BITCH GET OUT OF MY SEAT...I WANT A SEAT..."  Ok...this is ridiculous.  I wish someone would have just given her a seat--but obviously no one was willing to do this.  What's worse is I hear a loud noise through my ipod music. It sounds like a door slamming when at the same time I feel my hand vibrate....I turn...here she is violently banging the back of her head on the pole. Not in a playful way...but in a way that says "I WANT MY BRAINS TO SEEP OUT OF MY EARS" banging.  She wasn't stopping.  I was quite disturbed by this.  I mean besides the fact that this woman is obviously mentally ill in some way...I really didn't want to witness someone bashing their head so hard that blood would start coming out of her ears.  The lady standing closest to her kept looking at me in horror....as well as others. But it disturbed me that NO ONE was saying anything.  I was FREAKED out and getting pissed.  The last stop before Manhattan brought much confusion to the train as the usual people at Queensboro tried to cram even further into an already crammed train.  She freaked out even more.  Her cursing got worse and more profane--she was yelling directly at these two women sitting in front of her.  Perhaps these people have seen her many times before and just expect this behavior...perhaps everyone was just able to tune it out better than me...perhaps people took sympathy on her....who knows....but something snapped within me. I couldn't hear her head banging against the pole ONE more time...and I especially couldn't hear or see her yelling at other passengers.  I leaned down and in an adrenaline filled moment I looked at her and I said..."HEY! HEY SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!  YOU HAVE A GODDAMN SEAT ON THE FLOOR NOW SHUT UP, STOP YELLING, AND PLEASE STOP BANGING YOUR HEAD!"  The train became silent. I could barely believe what I just said--she looked at me and simply said..."FUCK YOU!" And I looked right back at her and I said..."NO-FUCK YOU! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP!"  She stopped.  She certainly didn't utter another word until we got to 59th and Lexington.  As soon as the doors opened she went at it again yelling at people.  I decided to go to the conductor of the train and make it known that someone was harrassing the other riders.  As I approach there is a line of about 10 people telling the conductor the same thing. The conductor gets out and goes into the car.  That's all I know...as I had to get to work and catch my transfer.  

I don't feel bad about yelling.  I really don't.  I realize that she may be mentally ill or mentally handicapped in some way.  But regardless...that gives no one reason to cause a disturbance on the train. And it especially gives no one reason for banging their head and for yelling throughout and entire train ride harassing the other passengers.  These days you just don't know who is riding the train, who is walking beside you, etc.  I was not about to give this women the power. Someone needed to let her know that she was in the wrong and WHO had the power.  

So that's my interesting story of the day.  Now...the thankful list:

I'm thankful today that:

1) I made it to work on time/early

2) Today is pay day

3) I have money in my account

4) I had time to stop at starbucks this morning

5) Waking up again to warm kisses

6) I'm going away this weekend with my love. 

7) I'm seeing my two best friends this weekend.

8) I can sing.

9) That I have a good job.

10) that I have prospects

11) That I don't bang my head on the subway posts.