Artistic Juices...

Well they're flowing again!  This is great...

planning the cabaret--

I have some good songs...good ideas (thank you my love)

Web site should be up soon....

here we come!

--Justin

Racism & What will kill our country

Interesting story:

Yesterday....after a terrific weekend I decided to do some shopping. I was leaving the store and a lady was walking briskly. I wasn't in her way when she shouted "Get the fuck out of my way...I don't like whitey!" Meanwhile a surge goes through me full of rage and anger and I shout back..."EXCUSE ME!" Meanwhile she is closer to me and she spits at me! Without even thinking at this point my left hand which is holding three large bags full of items swings up with the bags smacking the bitch in the face. She continues yelling at me when at this point 2 other guys have heard and seen this happen and they push her away and tell her to get the fuck out of their neighborhood. When I tell people this story they ask me..."what race was she?" I must say I don't know...it doesn't matter. This shouldn't have happened....regardless now I kind of laugh but also am still angered in many ways by it.

NOW...I found this today. This is what I believe is the problem with our society today. Talk about judging, narrow minded views, etc....this disgusts me and makes me truly believe that the radical evangelical Christians are truly almost just as bad as the Islamic extremists. This makes me sick...I am reminded of the infiltration that this lifestyle creates...the way they twist things to serve their own agenda...and more so the way they use Jesus Christ--the teacher of love--to preach hate. And now this crazy video they made about Oprah....just kind of makes me laugh.

Like poo

I have been feeling like crap for over a week now..

in general.  

Today has been the best "I feel GOOD" day so far.  I'm still worried because there is a ton of junk in my chest today--I have kitties in there. 

Though I've been taking mucinex it just doesn't want to go away. So I'm seeing the doctor today. There's so much junk going around-bad junk too. 

Usually if it's just a cold it's gone in a few days for me.

This has lingered almost two weeks.  Time to get some peace of mind or some drugs.  

Lots of positive energy coming round the bend these days....

XO

--Justin

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time...

a boy decided to cut coffee (caffeine)

cut cigarettes

become a vegetarian

and be the next world wrestling champion--

all in one day.

Woah! 

The little boy became sick

a general happening.

Weather changes are hard.

All at the same time.

The little boy had breakdowns

several.

Felt he was going crazy.

Maybe he is.

Perhaps he will.

Headaches all day--

kept questioning...

"cut caffeine--duh!"

OH SHIT...he thinks...

that would explain it. 

Going from 8 cups to 1 cup will do that. 

Going from half a pack or more a day to

1 smoke a day...will make you crazy.

This is good though. 

The boy was able to realize what is important

what needed to be done-

scary-but true.

He has begun to break a bad cycle.

Once upon a time....

there was a boy

who was patient with himself

who praised himself for his efforts

who decided to keep working--

breaking patterns

no more guilt.

Ease

do it all with ease. 

Again today 1 cup of coffee

head ache is not there

feeling much better today

still a tad sore in the throat-

but good. 

He wants to smoke sometimes

but realizes that he's done so well--

he HAS to continue.  Not yet making it a completely go away--

but stopping the habits.

Which he knew would be the hardest to stop

thinking it would be easier just to completely stop altogether.

No.

A plan is much better.

Listen to your own heart he tells himself.

Today is a better day.

Money in the account this morning--thank God.

The Secret really does work.

Long weekend...

voice lesson early next week

I need it.  

The boy sits now at his desk

looking at two cows eating grass

smiling...

Back to life...

c'est la vie. 

-J-

Monday...oh sure.

Yes it's Monday. The weekend is gone. Another week comes & then will go.  Time is flying! We went to Coney Island this week.  It was nice being by the water. Someday it will be a permanent thing.  Well not in Coney Island--but you know what I mean.  I saw a suringe (sp) on the beach. I remember when I was a kid...when New York was a different and much more Port Authority/8th Ave. place and I remember hearing about the beaches around Coney Island just being covered with dirty drug needles and trash.  I had a feeling I might see something of a remnant from those days.  Alas there it was.  I snapped a photo with my cell phone.  Speaking of drugs...I heard a story from someone I adore who is a close friend about a party she was at recently.  The party suddenly turned into a festival of cocaine.  Her reaction was similar to mine--one of shock and disbelief.  I've since met more people who have done drugs, do drugs, or are generally more accepting of them.  I find it disturbing myself...my reaction would have been to freak out and just leave the party immediately.  I have a huge problem with drugs, specifically anything stronger than marijuana.  Why do you ask?  Well kids...D.A.R.E. in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th grade paid off.  

XO

Justin

Maintenance

So I have been following through to one of my previous blog posts on quitting smoking.  

I decided to break the habits before lunging totally.  It has been what I thought: the hardest. 

Last night was the first major break through.  My hardest time is always before I have a long train ride because I usually like to smoke then. Last night I didn't...I bought a HUGE sucker with gum in the middle ohhh it was fun.  I didn't have as many problems. 

Anyways...ok

too much champagne at work...

cannot blog anymore. 

Love

Justin

Exactly!

Go to John Mayer's web site and read his latest blog posting...

it made complete sense to me & gave me a good bump in the day. 

www.johnmayer.com

-Justin

My morning pages?

Seriously...is the R train being driven by the student drivers? 

I swear the past couple of days it has been driven by my grandmother.

Today I left an extra 10 minutes early so that I would get to work on time & perhaps have a few extra minutes to grab coffee and a sandwhich at starbucks.  After about 10 hours on the R I finally get to the 6...I start to get on and am suddenly pushed.  Ok so today I've had it already...I take my bag and I swing it around and I look at this older man who has shoved me--I can barely contain my rage and the words suddenly fly out of my mouth--"DO NOT FUCKING PUSH ME--I"M TRYING TO MOVE TO THE MIDDLE OF THE TRAIN WHICH IS WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO AND YOU'RE PUSHING ME JUST SO YOU CAN STAY BY THE FUCKING DOOR!!"  He stared at me almost in shock that I said something--the section of the car got quiet and at this point my face I know must have been completely red.  This constant pushing annoys the piss out of me to no end.  Why other people disregard other human beings is beyond me.  As if other people aren't in the same hurry to get somewhere, as if other people don't want to get on the train as well.  It's very irritating and I mind it VERY fucking much.  This disregard for other human beings always becomes apparent on the train.  I have lately found myself not caring about other people as well...pushing more...and not giving a fuck about possibly bumping into someone.  Maybe this is what pisses me off more--because I refuse to be like that and yet I have become that in some strange way.  Who knows.  So there's my vent with that....

I'm very frustrated today artistically as well...I've got to get back up and going with my morning pages again.  All of these lovely doubts and bullshit keep coming into my head.  This seems more like the stuff that should be coming out onto those pages.  I feel stuck right now--not sure where to go even though I feel the best thing to do is wait.  But I feel that I just want to explode with what I want to do.  Today is the birthday of someone who I have been extremely close to for many years...to say we're best friends anymore is kind of a hard thing for me to do.  Like a few other people in my life I have barely spoken to her since moving to New York.  I know that things change and people change-but I can't help but feel a little bitter when keeping in touch is one sided.  Who knows...my pissy mind frame could be causing me much irritation this morning.  I need the sun...I need the water...I need something.  Perhaps I will take Kim up on her artistic getaway and us bonding time in New Paltz.  

I'm sure the mood will get better. 

XO

justin