Many months old...re read it today...interesting how short in time things change:
seven years...
a long time-
probably too long I suppose.
fresh out of high school
stars in my eyes...
I sit in singers diction class
cute tall girl sitting in front of me
"who's your favorite musical theatre singer?"
"elaine paige...u?"
"Bernadette Peters"
karaoke
kamikozies...
everything seemed dream like and surreal-
I'm on my own.
shy girl meeting for the first time outside the choir room...
"you're in freshman chamber choir too?"
I can't believe we made it...
the smoking wall-batcheldor---
are you gay or bi?
friendships I will never forget.
Walking to parties....
movies in the dorm rooms....
eating at the dial...
weekends on the first floor
parties on the third.
exam weeks-never more fun than that first year.
strawberry daquiries.
term papers-
notes-
classes-
tears-
Laughter....
summer visits...sleeping together on the floor...
outdoor parties...
Sept. 11-always a vivid memory-
fear stricken
walking on slippery elm...
had sex that night
someting that seemed to relieve the pain.
Months of voice lessons...
more classes...
working in the office...
theatre shows...
Berlin to Broadway-still my all time favorite.
Hickies, parties, dances, tantrums....
21st b-day parties...
heart breaks
heart aches...
bretz.
saying goodbye to friends-
graduating....
continuing...
new life...
meeting new people...
Doc-a constant in my life here.
Europe-my constant dream forever with me...
long walks in Urbania late at night
these will forever get me through.
nights of being high...on life and on...well...
recitals
driving and listening to tons of music
spring break
six feet under & art museum.
These are all a part of me...
memories cannot be posted to their fullest
not enough room.
I'm grateful for these memories
seven very good years-
a place to call home.
Forever lingering in my heart--
writing now as I won't be able to the rest of the week-
too much raw emotion...
speak from the heart.
7 years..
I still love Bernadette Peters.
I will always look back at this chapter in my life and smile....
thank you all for your wonderful messages
your understanding blows me away.
"stop worrying where you're going...move on..."
Life doesn't end...this is never a real good-bye..
things change...
but time is constant...
connections will be forever...
we are all interwoven together in some strange but wonderful way.
Until later I send peace and love
send the same back is all I ask.
Here's to the next chapter....And to the ladies who lunch, aren't they a gas? ;-)
All my love,
Justin
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Time travels
Thinking of you right now
this moment
the world
frozen still for me.
I sit and watch the people
arm in arm
they look at each other
smiling.
For once I find myself
sitting here
doing the same.
Amazed that I can feel this way
that I have the ability
the ability to love
to let go
and to go on this journey with you.
I no longer thing it's crazy
how fast things run.
Connection-
what else could I be feeling but love?
I lay down
trying to catch up
catch up on what has gladly been lost
for a week now
sleep comes to me
four days is a long way away
you move mountains within me.
My heart is yours.
-Justin
this moment
the world
frozen still for me.
I sit and watch the people
arm in arm
they look at each other
smiling.
For once I find myself
sitting here
doing the same.
Amazed that I can feel this way
that I have the ability
the ability to love
to let go
and to go on this journey with you.
I no longer thing it's crazy
how fast things run.
Connection-
what else could I be feeling but love?
I lay down
trying to catch up
catch up on what has gladly been lost
for a week now
sleep comes to me
four days is a long way away
you move mountains within me.
My heart is yours.
-Justin
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Life...
I flip on NY1 news last night immediately when I get home
I brush through my things as I prepare to go to Brooklyn for the night.
I'm curious like everyone else...Heath Ledger, dead?
It's like one of those extremely random moments you just can't believe.
I am saddened like everyone else.
A girl however was interviewed
she was smiling the entire time...
almost laughing
because she was standing in front of his SoHo apartment.
As she explained that she and her friends were visiting Perezhilton all day
calling places and just trying to figure things out
she smiled
and then made it seem like a spectacle to go to his apartment
she was thrilled beyond words to be standing in front of the hot dead actor's apartment.
This disturbed me.
Why are you smiling?
Why are you laughing?
Why are you taking advantage of this moment?
Someone just died.
A person.
A real live person.
It's not the movies.
The market is crashing...
depression around the bend?
A new revolution
exciting times?
Sometimes
interesting
while the world falls apart
changes constantly
I fall deeper in love
surrounded by good feelings
I am able to smile
and forget about the world
.....
I brush through my things as I prepare to go to Brooklyn for the night.
I'm curious like everyone else...Heath Ledger, dead?
It's like one of those extremely random moments you just can't believe.
I am saddened like everyone else.
A girl however was interviewed
she was smiling the entire time...
almost laughing
because she was standing in front of his SoHo apartment.
As she explained that she and her friends were visiting Perezhilton all day
calling places and just trying to figure things out
she smiled
and then made it seem like a spectacle to go to his apartment
she was thrilled beyond words to be standing in front of the hot dead actor's apartment.
This disturbed me.
Why are you smiling?
Why are you laughing?
Why are you taking advantage of this moment?
Someone just died.
A person.
A real live person.
It's not the movies.
The market is crashing...
depression around the bend?
A new revolution
exciting times?
Sometimes
interesting
while the world falls apart
changes constantly
I fall deeper in love
surrounded by good feelings
I am able to smile
and forget about the world
.....
Friday, January 18, 2008
To you...it's surreal
I'm surrounded by feelings
feelings of happiness
feelings of uncertainty that contain hope.
Every time you walk away I wish I could go with you-
crazy...my word of the week.
New ipod tunes today filled my ears on the train to 34th st.
Thoughts of you-
the train went faster.
What is this?
I have no fear all of the sudden.
I think of you all afternoon
all evening
I get off at 42nd
suddenly coming down the steps
in a crowd of hundres of people
you stood smiling.
My eyes couldn't believe it
my heart sunk for a time.
In a city full of millions of people
I run into the one my mind fixates on...we chat...
I die because I cannot control my urge to kiss you
I control it
As I walk up the stairs I turn around and look at you
I watch you smile-not noticing me staring at you.
I smile the rest of the evening.
I believe in signs-this was one.
This time has been number one for a long time...
thursday, friday, saturday...
I lay there
we speak words of honesty
I smile when I look at you
I can't help it.
Your smell is a sublime combination of cologne, liquor, weed, and my kisses.
This is totally new
completely different.
I truly have never felt like this before
Our talk of the opera
your eyes as you inquire about it
the moment my heart sunk?
when your hand slipped onto mine under the bar stool
I could have fell through the floor.
"You're not going back that far," I say...
"ok," you say.
We hop in the yellow car to an endless night of something sublime.
It flows into the day.
I stare at you on the train
your beautiful profile takes my breath away.
This has been a surprise
another apartment we are in
you have to get things
we stay, and strangely I'm comfortable.
once again staring into each others eyes
our souls recognizing each other
I can't figure it out
for now I'm happy just living the answers
this is superbly surreal
and I'm thrilled at the possibilities that abound with you.
Your kisses I'm missing for a couple of days
I will learn how to get to you
I must adjust
there's no questioning.
You walked out of the shower freshly wet
your towel wrapped around your beautiful body
I lay on the couch
you come near me and I take the towel off
and wrap my arms around your wet body
run my fingers through your wet, jet black hair
you dress and I watch you
I say you look hot
and this isn't superficial
there were just no words to explain fully.
Exhaustion sets in today
thoughts of sitting down with you
on the couch I'm about to crash on
u say it seemed natural
it did.
I'm all about you right now
wishing I could not be exhausted
quick questions of speed hit my mind
they suddenly leave
before they never left
always expecting the worst
I don't feel this-this doubt is not strong
not there.
My thoughts go to you as I fall asleep
until I see you again
I can close my eyes tonight.
feelings of happiness
feelings of uncertainty that contain hope.
Every time you walk away I wish I could go with you-
crazy...my word of the week.
New ipod tunes today filled my ears on the train to 34th st.
Thoughts of you-
the train went faster.
What is this?
I have no fear all of the sudden.
I think of you all afternoon
all evening
I get off at 42nd
suddenly coming down the steps
in a crowd of hundres of people
you stood smiling.
My eyes couldn't believe it
my heart sunk for a time.
In a city full of millions of people
I run into the one my mind fixates on...we chat...
I die because I cannot control my urge to kiss you
I control it
As I walk up the stairs I turn around and look at you
I watch you smile-not noticing me staring at you.
I smile the rest of the evening.
I believe in signs-this was one.
This time has been number one for a long time...
thursday, friday, saturday...
I lay there
we speak words of honesty
I smile when I look at you
I can't help it.
Your smell is a sublime combination of cologne, liquor, weed, and my kisses.
This is totally new
completely different.
I truly have never felt like this before
Our talk of the opera
your eyes as you inquire about it
the moment my heart sunk?
when your hand slipped onto mine under the bar stool
I could have fell through the floor.
"You're not going back that far," I say...
"ok," you say.
We hop in the yellow car to an endless night of something sublime.
It flows into the day.
I stare at you on the train
your beautiful profile takes my breath away.
This has been a surprise
another apartment we are in
you have to get things
we stay, and strangely I'm comfortable.
once again staring into each others eyes
our souls recognizing each other
I can't figure it out
for now I'm happy just living the answers
this is superbly surreal
and I'm thrilled at the possibilities that abound with you.
Your kisses I'm missing for a couple of days
I will learn how to get to you
I must adjust
there's no questioning.
You walked out of the shower freshly wet
your towel wrapped around your beautiful body
I lay on the couch
you come near me and I take the towel off
and wrap my arms around your wet body
run my fingers through your wet, jet black hair
you dress and I watch you
I say you look hot
and this isn't superficial
there were just no words to explain fully.
Exhaustion sets in today
thoughts of sitting down with you
on the couch I'm about to crash on
u say it seemed natural
it did.
I'm all about you right now
wishing I could not be exhausted
quick questions of speed hit my mind
they suddenly leave
before they never left
always expecting the worst
I don't feel this-this doubt is not strong
not there.
My thoughts go to you as I fall asleep
until I see you again
I can close my eyes tonight.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Ms. Battle
One of my favorite voices is returning to Carnegie Hall in April!! As soon as tickets are on sale my ass it hitting the train and heading to Carnegie Hall. Kathleen Battle will for sure be making a return to Carnegie Hall. I'm not sure how long it has been, however I'm more excited than I can say. Anyways...with the recent findings of this news Joseph Volpe, the Met General manager in 1994 who fired Ms. Battle...said in a recent autobiography THIS very interesting thing:
In his 2006 memoirs, Volpe wrote that James Levine had advised against the dismissal at the time [14] and went on to write, "[I've] wondered whether it was partly prompted by my desire to establish my authority at the Met. Perhaps it was. [15]
Hmmmm...interesting, eh? I of course wasn't there to see if any of her actions deemed her to really be LA BATTLE, however I have a feeling we're not done hearing her yet. I hear she's singing better than ever!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
reality
here's a quote for the book to come out when I'm about to retire...
this reveals the reality of...ummmm what I do...this was actually said to me this evening by a friend whom I adore who is in the business in response to my nagging him for new material...just shows the realities sometimes of what we do...though I think he's crazy.........
"the only thing I've figured out is that there is no score like PIAZZA--especially auditioning sweet faced beautiful young boy blondes. It is sadly not a genre or art form. I'm sending you to an agent next week to start your film career-this is where you belong."
this reveals the reality of...ummmm what I do...this was actually said to me this evening by a friend whom I adore who is in the business in response to my nagging him for new material...just shows the realities sometimes of what we do...though I think he's crazy.........
"the only thing I've figured out is that there is no score like PIAZZA--especially auditioning sweet faced beautiful young boy blondes. It is sadly not a genre or art form. I'm sending you to an agent next week to start your film career-this is where you belong."
Monday, January 14, 2008
Hmmmm
This comes from an article/Interview with Barbara Bonney from the January issue of Classical Singer. This is really a terrific article-this is just one of the many honest things she says that I agree with:
CS: Speaking of the next generation, what issue do you find universally among young singers?
Barbara Bonney: It's not their fault, but they have been told they have to have a big voice to compete, which is really not the case. I mean, yes, it helps, especially in big houses in America: the Met, San Francisco. If you have a big voice, it makes life a lot easier, but in Europe, thankfully, it's still about the beautiful voice, and a beautiful voice isn't necessarily big...I think (the big voice emphasis is) beginning to seep in in Europe as well, so we're trying to keep that tsunami at bay and make sure people understand that we want to carry on the tradition that's been here for so many centuries. Let's not let go of that because we're chasing some ideal which is creeping in because of globalization and "bigger is better." There's a backlash to that hugeness, and now we're getting back to people, to what really counts to people in their lives.
GO BARBARA!!!!!!!
CS: Speaking of the next generation, what issue do you find universally among young singers?
Barbara Bonney: It's not their fault, but they have been told they have to have a big voice to compete, which is really not the case. I mean, yes, it helps, especially in big houses in America: the Met, San Francisco. If you have a big voice, it makes life a lot easier, but in Europe, thankfully, it's still about the beautiful voice, and a beautiful voice isn't necessarily big...I think (the big voice emphasis is) beginning to seep in in Europe as well, so we're trying to keep that tsunami at bay and make sure people understand that we want to carry on the tradition that's been here for so many centuries. Let's not let go of that because we're chasing some ideal which is creeping in because of globalization and "bigger is better." There's a backlash to that hugeness, and now we're getting back to people, to what really counts to people in their lives.
GO BARBARA!!!!!!!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Or that anyone is watching you...
The Light In the Piazza
beautiful music I can't stop listening to.
Being true to oneself
never failing.
The secret-life changing truth.
A growing and changing stirring now
a calm storm blowing through me
change.
"The only constant is change..."
a familiar quote I see everyday in the office.
Always on your toes.
Last week-
fun yet empty
bored often.
Many lists tonight to be made.
Reminders
hanging things
my space now.
I can do it.
The urge to sing is there
more than ever
sing what?
I don't know.
Finding myself within the voice
that's it.
Shedding the layers of old
old voices
old characters
completely me.
Saw CURTAINS last night
reminds me of why I love the theatre.
No judging anymore.
It's not worth it.
Parties, drinking, conversations, love, flowers, sex....
at the end you're always alone.
I like this.
I'm learning.
It's not odd.
It's ok.
New lists.
-Justin
beautiful music I can't stop listening to.
Being true to oneself
never failing.
The secret-life changing truth.
A growing and changing stirring now
a calm storm blowing through me
change.
"The only constant is change..."
a familiar quote I see everyday in the office.
Always on your toes.
Last week-
fun yet empty
bored often.
Many lists tonight to be made.
Reminders
hanging things
my space now.
I can do it.
The urge to sing is there
more than ever
sing what?
I don't know.
Finding myself within the voice
that's it.
Shedding the layers of old
old voices
old characters
completely me.
Saw CURTAINS last night
reminds me of why I love the theatre.
No judging anymore.
It's not worth it.
Parties, drinking, conversations, love, flowers, sex....
at the end you're always alone.
I like this.
I'm learning.
It's not odd.
It's ok.
New lists.
-Justin
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