Small

I don't know if it's me getting older or what...
but I'm realizing each day just how small this world actually is.
Perhaps it's that I'm beginning to gain some sense of routine here...
perhaps seeing some of the same familiar strange faces on 7th as I walk to NYC Opera each evening...the starbucks people now know what I want around Park and 3rd.
Today at a final interview the first words spoken to me by the president of a major business were..."so you went to BG?...I've been there..." Crazy, eh? Just reminds me of how small this place can be...here I am sitting on the 12th floor of this building in the middle of Park and 3rd in east midtown and I meet someone who knows BG. It may not sound like that big of a deal-but to me it's an interesting example of serendipity because as I was sitting waiting for this person I had the strange thought come into my head that someone in this company knew where I came from, and how fun that would be. The laws of attraction baby!
The city in some ways is becoming smaller to me-which is not a bad thing. Believe me it's still crazy and confusing at times but I'm learning. I'm learnning mostly to stay true to yourself...listen to what the inside of you is saying...be open...and always keep your dreams in front of you. It can feel very lonely here at times...but that can also be empowering.
Enough for now...

PJ Night

Today it's rainy and gloomy in the city.
As I sit here in the living room watching people in the gym on the second and third floor of NYC Sports Club I feel eternally guilty for sitting on my ass UNTIL...
I remember that yesterday I walked about 10 minutes each way to and from the subway and apartment about a total of eight times *about 80 minutes worth of aerobics there...not to mention the 8 minute walk I've done almost every day this week from 42nd to way down onto 37th st. AND on top of that...about 5 trips from West 42 to East 40th....and then from West 42 to East 42 on Park Ave about 4 times alone yesterday. So I do believe I deserve this evening of relaxation and rest tonight.
Tomorrw I will go to the opera--yay! And for free which makes it all that much better!
I'm still working at NYC Opera for now...it's a job--definitely not where I'm wanting to end up...but it helps a bit right now. I had three interviews yesterday and have the final one for what could be a great and perfect day job on Tuesday. I will be keeping my fingers crossed on this one.
In the meantime still pluggin away at the city...learning the ropes...trying not to spend too much money...being open...and just starting to get a bit more settled.
I'm still very wide open...
Peace-
Justin

Now I Understand

Now I understand the hurtful nature behind someone not returning phone calls or maintaining correspondance and telling you they will.
Regardless of how busy a schedule is...there's always some time.
Oh well...I suppose "flake" would actually be appropriate.

-J

NYC.

Back in NYC...
fist day shaky for many reasons...
wonderful after.
Starting to fit in.
Working at NYC OPera...
no not as a singer-YET...
I'm an evening bitch. But hey how many people can say they work for NYC Opera?
A couple of great interviews.
Realizing what I'm supposed to do with my life...
what I'm meant to do.
The engery comes to me...
I'm loving it more and more each day.

Sad to not hear some familiar voices as often as before.
Now is the land of new.
More later...
NYC Opera in the morning
evenign of?? ahead?
Sunday in Brooklyn with the girls...
who could ask for anything more?

Spargi d'amaro

All right...so I haven't seen this live yet...hopefully soon once I'm back in the swing of it. BUT from what I've heard Ms. Dessay's performance as Lucia was unbelievable. Of course I haven't heard her sing the entire role-BUT as an admirer of Ms. Dessay I must say she is a phenomenal artist! I have heard her live before and at the MET. You see this tiny little French lady come onstage and the sound is unbelievable that comes out of her! I was equally impressed after hearing her interview with Charlie Rose the other evening. Some things that I thought were interesting and made me love her even more from her interview were the following:
1) She was an actress and her desire was to be an actress before being a singer. I think this is evident in all that she does. She makes very strong choices within any kind of colorature that she does--it MEANS something...and not only that but it sounds damn good.
2) As a French singer she admitted that the French school of singing has a bad reputation and that it was rightly so. Pretty good point...even though I love the French.
3) She referred to a lot the stuff happening in the major companies right now as "broadwayish" and she pretty much said how she detested it. Totally enjoyed this...it raises an interesting point from someone who is a rather progressive type of singer. From my gathering she believes we have tried to put it out there way too much and tried to sink to a lower level by essentially making it more about the choreography, scenery, costumes, etc. Of course there are many wonderful and amazing things that go into opera and that make opera opera....lets face it it's just big. But I think what she was after was a more minimalistic approach...after all isn't that why a lot of people don't really "dig" opera because everything isn't immediately retrievable? We're in such a culture of "gimme gimme gimme" without having to work for anything. Of course it sounds like she thinks we shouldn't give a damn and should do what was intended-kind of have to say that I agree.
4) She was asked who she believed to be the greatest opera actor/singer lived...she gave no hesitation in saying Maria Callas. This could be a debate to go on for years...and she admitted that Callas' voice was not the best...but it was damn good and that she appreciated her for that-Callas was like no one else. Take what you will...we all have different tastes I suppose.
5) When asked about her two vocal surgeries she had no shame in saying that she had them and that other singers shouldn't be embarrassed...she admitted to being way too tired...but she was happy she was able to work so hard and that she does work hard. Pretty optomistic view on something kind of scary.

Anyways...the mad scene can be found all over the place on youtube from the recent MET performance. A lot of people are trashing her performance...take a look (above) and see what you think. Also I have posted (below)a clip from the Charlie Rose interview. PLEASE COMMENT! :)

Sea Water

Tonight I can't help but think of you...
me watching you as you fall asleep
the soft comforter rests lightly on you
the large pillows underneath your head
your bedside lamp is still lit
mine is out.
I hesitate to reach over you to turn it off
not wanting to wake you.
"I'm in London tomorrow"
this was your last phrase.
You continue to drift peacefully
My mind roams through the house
four floors we have created
the sea is near
the dog is sleeping in front of the fridge
as always.
The breeze comes through the window
fall is here.
I still smell the sea
hearing the birds screaming.
I view the photo books of my mind
past lovers
out of touch friends
experiences
small apartments
penny pinching
searching
and dreaming.
I got out of the car tonight from the airport
you were in the kitchen
I stared at you
-perfection.
I pet the dog slowly...
I turn the corner into the office
no mail?
nothing seems to be happening in the world.
I walk into the room
a wall full of signed posters
memorabillia
books
scores
a grand piano.
photos in front of me.
I light some candles
pull out a lemon drop from the jar atop the piano
I effortlessly sing-
yes it's still there
three weeks worth of art
I'm tired.
You make a nice dinner
Unable to stop staring at you I laugh
my awkward laugh.
A long bath awaits
you join me
we make love all night
music of our choice this time.
now I sit here
my life?
yes.
This is ours
our experience
two souls
brought together through time.
I see it clearly:
the house, the car, the dog, the piano, the pictures, the yard
I can even smell the sea air.
Unable to see you now
I stop searching.
The dream continues to grow
a picture here a picture there
a piece of furniture one day
a dish the next.
Building from a new foundation.
I will remember this
when I sit on that bed
you asleep
I ponder
I will always remember
very clearly-
this moment.

Time heals everything

Time is really healing.
I stepped away quickly
from a life I'd known for almost 8 years.
Familiar places
familiar faces
past friends
current friends
past lovers
past heart aches
past successes
past failures
past triumphs...
they all quickly went away as I said goodbye.
Within hours I was swept into a new world
a world of emptiness.
I found myself standing
alone
weighed down.
shorty after that I left literally everything
for a place I thought could be my escape
my escape brought everything to me.
overwhelmed I choked
I turned my back
questions flew through my mind constantly
I was lucia going mad.
I wrote
I cried
I felt the pain of an ailing person close to me.
I talked a lot.
Miraculously La Boheme came my way-
a surprising evening away from it all.
I sat there
the excitement when the music started.
The voices were inspiring
suddenly I wasn't a student sitting in an opera lit. class
suddenly I wasn't sitting in a classroom doing dications
I wasn't a student standing in a studio picking my technique apart
I wasn't this crazed academic person trying so hard to prove something.
I was there.
It suddenly came flooding back
the passion
the art
the love
the music...all in one night it came to me.
This is what I love more than anything in the world.
This is my life
THIS feeds me even when I'm poor.
I HAVE to do this.
I CAN do this.
When did I forget all of this?
Where was this lost?
those answers only I will know...
I've practiced more in the past two weeks than I have in the past year
the voice truly working and growing
connecting to myself and my body even more.
for now the negative voices of the past are disappearing
the fears are surely leaving
the inner child is emerging
and I am finally awakening.
It's a long, painful, and exciting process
thrilling.
Growing hurts.
I suddenly let go of everything
the baggage was dropped.
Worrying about who I was leaving behind
worrying about the pain and if it would ever heal
worrying if relationships and friendships would change suddenly stopped.
Waiting for the phone to ring with that picture coming up-it stopped.
My art, my life, my nurturing...this must happen.
Seeing myself through the eyes of friends
friends who truly have my best interests at heart
friends who have checked on me continuosly
love never dies
connections will be forever
memories last a lifetime.
My period of mourning is over.
It's time to move on...
face the music and dance, eh?
A credit card commercial comes on
I start to feel sad
seeing a place I have always loved
why am I not a part of it.
That energy...
as intimidating and expensive as it is
it draws me in.
Gives me life
placing ourselves in a position to be open
this is important.
Now the fears and thoughts are stopped right away.
Nothing else makes sense...
no where else in the world makes complete sense to me
Ohio will always be home
other opportunities keep bringing me back.
Creativity and life take me there.
I will arrive back in the big NYC Monday afternoon
a new, changed, enlightened, and more creative person.
The future awaits...
I will serve art and in return be rewarded.
This is what I have to do.
For all your love I thank you
this is never a goodbye...
I am back
my muse is back
and I am finally happy again for the first time in a long time.

Interesting stuff

Things have gone for bad to worse in some ways. No worries--all will look up soon. This is the first moment I have had to myself in three days. I promise to be returning calls and making several in the next two days. So with that said here I now must vent...

In my quest for a fabulous "day job" I have written in the past two months about 500 cover letters. You really want this to be your shining point where you let the employer know that you really want the job and you wanna let them know that basically your resume is great but you can do more. So...whilst writing one the other day I grew frustrated for many reasons and this is actually the one I came up with...I think it would be super appropriate to send! Who knows, maybe honesty is the best policy.

To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you for taking the time to review my materials expressing interest in the position with your yoga studio. I believe my extensive administrative experience, education, interest in yoga, and personality will make me a wonderful asset to your studio.
For the past five years I have actively maintained employment as a financial advisor while pursuing my bachelor and master's degrees. I am actively seeking employment as I am trying to bridge the gap between my education and a performance career that right now seems to be non-existent. So instead I am sending you this cover letter to show you that because I have two degrees I can fucking do your shitty little job of running your studio--trust me I'm more than qualified. But why am I wasting my time...because you probably won't want to hire me because you'll feel that you have to pay me more (which you should) because I have my masters degree. I know it's frightening, isn't it? You might actually have to pay someone more than $11 an hour to do your shit work! The only reason I am applying for this position is because my pride will not allow me the luxury of working in fast food, retail, or some other dive because simply put I have spent thousands of dollars and have created a lot of debt for myself to be at this point. Please let me know what you think, I am available for interview immediately! Please?
Sincerely,
Justin Randolph

:)

BRITNEY?
Will someone PUH LEEZZZZZZZZE help her!?! And for God's sake...I'm sick of seeing it all over the news. Who has a press conference about this shit???? This kind of shit happens all the time to people...why are we so involved in her life!?! Regardless someone needs to slap a bitch!

Ok...more sometime soon. I will be in touch with ya'll soon.
Peace
Jay